Had it not been for Amazon, I’d never have learned about Cat Butt Gum.

Yes, that’s a real thing. For $1.79, you can buy eight pieces of cat-worthy attitude that tastes like peppermint. Or so the box says.

If I hadn’t been looking for a new harness for our growing dog Sophie, I wouldn’t have known about the gum or Bow-Lingual, a special device that translates your pup’s barks into something humans can understand.

If you’re wondering how shopping for a new harness for a dog led me to discover some of the weirdest products for pet owners, here’s the short and skinny. I typed “dog harnesses” into the Amazon search and got thousands of results. I perused a few of the selections, and that’s it.

A few days later, the emails started.

“Check out this harness.”

“Here are some items we thought you might like based on your search for dog harnesses.”

And on and on it goes. I get two or three of them a day.

Then one day, the weird stuff started arriving.

Apparently, there’s a thing called the Omnijore dog harness. Joring, I have discovered, is when you put a harness on the dog, put a harness on the human, connect the two with a leash and let the dog pull the human on an adventure. With Sophie at the helm, those adventures would consist of being dragged through every pile of poop in the apartment complex, chasing after every other person and animal she could see, and probably a terrifying trip or four through heavy traffic.

If I survived the adventure, I would definitely need a change of shorts.

But the existence of the Omnijore made me wonder: What are some of the more unique items available for pet owners?

It turns out, things can get really, really weird when you go down the Amazon rabbit hole.

Have a reader in the family with more cat hair than they know what to with? “Crafting with Cat Hair” is available in paperback for only $5.77. You can learn to turn those pesky hair balls into kitty tote bags, picture frames and many other creepy items. According to the L.A. Times review included in the Amazon product description: “There’s no other word for this book except: purrfect.”

I disagree. I think the word they were really looking for is “crazy,” but it gets better.

For all of you travelers out there, ever thought of using the Pet Capsule? It’s a clear container shaped like a backpack with air holes.

Need something with more versatility? How about the Cat-in-the-bag E-Z-Zip Cat Carrier. Not much explanation needed for that one. It’s a bag. You put your cat in it, making sure the head sticks out of one side, and go about your way.

Of course, some of us own party animals and there’s just the beverage to get things going — dog beer. Don’t worry, there’s not a drop of alcohol involved. It’s basically broth in a beer bottle. If things get really out of hand, there are plenty of dog wigs available too.

Believe it or not, the most bizarre pet item I ran across wasn’t the CitiKitty, a kit that helps your cat learn to use the toilet instead of the litter box. I thought it was ingenious, and even though I’m primarily a dog person, I wouldn’t hesitate to pick up a CitiKitty for my feline friend.

I think the weirdest item I ran across in my deep dive of pet products has to be the Original Cat in Box. For just $9.99 plus $3 shipping, you can have a box shipped to you — I assume it comes in a box, but I can’t and won’t prove it — for your kitty to play inside of. It’s not one of those liquor store boxes, held together with packing tape and Evan Williams emblazoned on the side. It’s a superior box. Best of the best.

Cat not included.

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