jou_tree-union_hanging-by-a-limb_013120

Send your entries to jokesonyou@greensboro.com by noon Wednesday, February 5, 2020

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Welcome to the News & Record’s “Jokes on You” page. Here is this week’s cartoon for your caption consideration, and last week’s cartoon and entries for you amusement (see below). Feel free to post comments and ask questions.

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And as always, please, no wagering.

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Please remember to put your name on your entry! (If you’re a junior --- age 13 and under --- also remember to include your school or age.)

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Last week’s cartoon was Hanging by a limb! Next week’s cartoon - the one you’ll be writing captions for is – the trees.

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WINNER

“How do you activate the camera on this thing?”

Tony Bean, Danbury

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RUNNERS-UP

“Hold on, it’s recalculating.”

Jack MacDowall, Greensboro

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“You already have 100 likes.”

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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“I couldn’t hear you, that number was 9 1 what?

Amy Williams, Greensboro

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“Google said save 20 minutes on this route ...”

Larry Miller, Greensboro

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“This says you’ll reach your destination in 3.5 seconds.”

Bill Wallace

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”Hold still. It is still trying to focus.”

Brady Rosebluth, Greensboro

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“Just admit that you’re lost, Dear.”

Tyler Reid, Kernersville

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“We’re in a dead zone. Oops, poor choice of words.”

Tim Tribbett

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HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)

“You’ve got 20 likes so far.”

Phil Valla, Greensboro

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“Now will you update your GPS maps?”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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Why did you have to take the road less travelled ?

Frank Leonard, Lexington

Sorry, I was reading the GPS upside down.

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

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TIM’S PICK(S) My picks don’t necessarily mean what should have won, or gotten a runner-up, it’s just to spotlight what I think are good but over-looked captions. This one was certainly original.

“Honey, it’s just one stroke. Take A Drop!”

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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BEAT THE CARTOONIST

Sometimes, I come up with a caption no one else does. When that happens, I’ll post it here.

I can’t get a signal to call for help. But on the bright side, this video will go viral!

No, that’s too far back.

This is for Youtube. Try to look scared.

I’ll update your Facebook status to “precarious.“

Great! You ruined our selfie!

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THE REST

What's the name of your branch manager?

Who knew you'd choose limb over life?

What's your branch manager's number?

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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"What's your pin number again?"

Tom Loughlin, Jamestown

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"I'm with the Census Bureau and we have a few questions to ask you."

Hal McElroy, Greensboro

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“Look up and smile so I can take a close up selfie!”

Teresa Bean, Greensboro

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This will make a great Christmas card.

You're only 6 inches off the ground.

Marcia Berger, GSO

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Yes, sir- I called the police!  Would you like a coffee or Danish while we wait?

Mike Perry, Eden

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Google said save 20 minutes on this route...

Larry Miller, Greensboro

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"I'm going to title this photo 'World's Ultimate Tree-Hugger'."

"This passion for doing chin-ups is getting out of hand."

"It's only a 28-foot drop, so you'll probably survive."

"Were you doing something like this at the time?"

"You need the exercise."

"This angle highlights your bald-spot."

"Hang on - I'm calling Idiot Rescue Service."

"This is a real cliff-hanger!"

"Remember telling me a belt looked dumb with this dress?"

"Looks like you're out on a limb there, chief."

"This goes on Facebook's Jackass, Senor Edition page."

Bill Wallace

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Hang in there!

This proves Ancestry.com saying you're related to Sgt. Snorkel.

Now will you update your GPS maps?

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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“Should I tell them to call back?”

Tim Tribbett

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"This goes on Facebook's Jackass, Senior Edition page."

"This video obituary will definitely go viral!"

"Tell me you love me, or I'll hit 'Send'."

"This says you'll reach your destination in 3.5 seconds."

"I'm having Amazon expedite delivery of a trampoline."

"I'm phoning for help, Mr. Wallenda."

"Fall-rate is initially 32 feet per second and it gets worse from there."

"I'm ordering you some Dramamine until the rescue squad gets here."

"We're in luck - crutches are on sale!"

"Web MD says to maintain a tight grip and recite the Lord's Prayer."

Bill Wallace

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”Smile! This will be a great profile picture for  FaceBook!”

Let me know if the limb starts to crack, the video of you falling will be awesome!”

Rick O’Reilly, Greensboro

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"All I can get is instructions for a gymnast dismount."

"You're probably regretting eating that huge meal an hour ago."

"Your sweater will be all stretched out of shape."

"....'Tuck your knees and roll' - wait, that's for parachute-landing."

"You've got to admit, the view is beautiful."

"GPS says we're at Dead-Man's cliff."

Bill Wallace

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"This reminds me of a Wiley Coyote cartoon I once saw."

"That's not my knees cracking you hear."

"Remember saying you wanted to experience free-fall?"

"The zip-line down below will break your fall unless you hit the out-cropping first."

"A bird just flew underneath your feet."

"We're at the highest point on the East Coast!"

"We're so high, all I can pick up are pilot's conversations."

Bill Wallace

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Honey, your mom’s on the phone. I told her you couldn’t talk right now, but you’d call her later.

Linda Reynolds, Eden

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Let me finish this Facebook post and I'll give you a hand.

Marcie Burton, Mayodan

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"Hold still! This picture is going on Facebook."

Bob Klippstein, Greensboro

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“It’s for you“

Mari Reavis, Eden

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"Hang on Honey, I'm calling 911"

Betty Stubbins

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“I’ll tell him to call back later “

Mari Reavis, Eden

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"Hang on, dear. I'm calling you an Uber."

Greg Hyslop

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Hold on- I have to answer this.  Oh, hello Brenda.  Not much!  How about you?

Mike Perry, Eden

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Let's see- I've got 'HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP!"   I'll get that right out!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Yes, I'll get help, but it'll cost you.  I want a raise, a company car, an expense account, a promotion....

Mike Perry, Eden

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You want something, then I want something.  You know, it's called quid pro quo!

Mike Perry, Eden

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1)  Sweetie, try it again this time don't blink

2) CLIFF, you okay

3) Great news your kidney transplant just called

4)  It's your girlfriend, what time should she come pick you up?

5) I'm going shopping, anything you want me to get

6)  No luck, they say I am the eighth caller, plus hold

7)  Hold still it is still trying to focus

8) Oh, it's a robocall, you want to take it?

(9) It's your brother, he wants to know if you are busy.

10) i told you the packmen wasn't out this far, but nooooooo, do you listen

Brady Rosebluth, Greensboro

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If you don't want to go to mama's, why don't you just say so?

Mike Perry, Eden

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“Throw me the car keys”!

Edward Phifer, Morganton

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"And you call ME a drama queen!"

"Mary Lou Retton says you're pretty much toast."

"The fire department says their air-bags won't withstand your weight."

"OK, I'll help, but first cross your heart...."

"....and do you promise to take me out to dinner each week?"

Bill Wallace

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Tell me your password again.

Hold on, it's recalculating.

Jack MacDowall, Greensboro

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You know that mink I've been trying to get you to buy me?  Let's think about that-  take your time!

Mike Perry, Eden

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“Just admit that you’re lost, Dear”

Tyler Reid, Kernersville

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You always talk about a fiscal cliff at work.  Well this sure looks like one to me!

Mike Perry, Eden

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When you said you'd jump off a cliff if I left you, I thought you were bluffing!

Mike Perry, Eden

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This is one of those moments we'll look back on and laugh someday!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Back up just little bit more so I can get you in the picture!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Didn't you see that cliff, Heath?

Mike Perry, Eden

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“What a great photo op.”

Ruth Petty, Greensboro

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I think this may be the best one since we wondered who shot JR!

Mike Perry, Eden

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If you promise to love me, cherish me, take care of me and, most of all,  obey me for the rest of your life I will get help.

Charles Lownes,sr

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You are asking me to pull you up?  You must not remember how you got there?

Charles Lownes,sr

No Harry, I don't feel sorry for you. You are only 2 feet above the ground.

Charles Lownes, sr.

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It’s your boss.  She wants you to drop everything and get back to work.

I told you that drone wouldn’t hold you.

I told you not to sell the ladder.

No this is not going to prepare you for the next Olympics.

Actually the view is better up here.

I know you love “Beetle Bailey” but he’s a cartoon.

So tell me again what your plan was.

You should have gone to the gym  instead.

Joe Farrar, Greensboro

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1. This IPad takes great pictures. SMILE!!

2. Turn loose, dear, your feet are only 6 inches off the ground.

3. Your dentist is calling to remind you of your appointment tomorrow.

4. Bad news, dear, your insurance does not cover tree climbing.

5. Alexa suggests we call 911.

6. Tell me again how to turn this thing on.

Dave Sheets, Greensboro

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"Based on age and weight Siri says you will fall in two minutes."

Jonathan Sparrow-Greensboro

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"You're the worst branch manager I've ever seen!"

"You're such a leech, you'll probably hang on forever."

"I can see how you might have missed the neon STOP! sign."

Bill Wallace

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1. Want me to tell them you’re holding?

2. I told them you’re hung up!

3. What’s the number for 911?

4. It says recalculating !

5. Would this be a bad time to ask about your life insurance?

6. How do you activate the camera on this thing?

Tony Bean, Danbury

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"You always say 'After the Super Bowl , Honey.' Well, see you after Bridge Club!"

"Once you figure out how to get down, start on Item #5."

"I see you didn't ask for directions..."

"You do just about anything to avoid this To Do List!"

"What do you mean I always leave you hanging?!?"

Kris Voy, Trinity

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"Did you delete my Candy Crush?"

"Google says: Hold on tight!"

"Why didn't you answer my text?"

"Hold on, I'm deleting your Facebook account."

"Sorry, there's no reception up here."

"I'm on my phone. Get a grip!"

 Rusty Morgan, Greensboro       

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There's one last thing on the To Do list and then I'll leave you alone.

I didn't think my To Do list for you was that long.

I thought you were afraid of heights.

Did you have to go back that far to get the picture?

Hang on, I'll help you after I finish this call with my mother.

Do you want pepperoni and mushrooms or sausage and olives on the pizza?

You always said you like hanging out with me.

After all these years of marriage, you just want to hang out with me?

It's a better view from up here.

Did you have to step back that far to take a picture of the view?

Can you believe I finally found that lost dry cleaning receipt in the car?

I'll call for help as soon as I am done talking with my mother.

Lately you're always on edge. 

You always have to go to the very edge to get that perfect picture, don't you?

Is now a good time to make call ahead seating reservations at the restaurant?

This better not take too long--our pizza will be ready soon.

You could have bought a postcard of the view in the gift shop, but no, you had to get your own picture.

I don't enjoy hanging out with you anymore.

I told you to charge the cell phone battery before we headed out today.

If you wanted me to stop nagging you why didn't you just say so?

After 30 years of marriage there is nowhere you can hide from finishing the To Do list.

Now we're going to miss the movie. 

I know you don't like the previews but all you had to say was can we go to the movie theater a little later?

I guess we'll miss the matinee now.

You could have just said you didn't want to visit my mother.

Hurry up, the movie starts in 20 minutes.

No, we do not have a giant net in our car trunk.

I didn't find a pulley device in our car trunk but I did find my lost dry cleaning ticket.

Lisa Meyerhoffer, Greensboro

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Get a grip until I get a response !

Frank Leonard, Lexington

Can you believe they put us on hold ?

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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The gravity of this situation makes me nervous !

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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Hope this is not an omen, I've lost touch with 911 !

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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The kids want us to drop by after our walk !

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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Oh no, they've put me on hold !

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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Hold on, I’m calling our insurance agent.

You already have 100 likes.

Hello, 9-1-1 I want to report….  Wait I have another call coming in.

Will you quit hanging around, I’m late for my hair appointment.

Smile honey, this might go viral.

If you let go this post will go viral.

I’ll call 9-1-1 if I can have that diamond ring you said no to.

That branch looks weak.  Hold on with one hand so you only weigh half as much.

Will you quit shaking and screaming, my pictures are blurry.

Can you look a little more frightened for my Twitter feed?

The fire department will be here after they get a cat out of a tree.

Should I call 9-1-1 or our insurance agent?

Wow! An ad just popped up on my phone for Acme Funeral Home.

Sorry honey.  Amazon doesn’t sell parachutes.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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I called the fire department, but they have a cat call first.  They said to "Just hang in there!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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I warned you were losing ground for years, and now it's caught up to you!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I'll just need you to sign this waiver of liability, then I can rescue you.

I couldn't hear you, that number was 9 1 what?

Will you promise to go tell the principal that I am not abusing you students?

You have 5 library books that are overdue - I need to know where they are.

Amy Williams, Greensboro

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"You know I have to answer when my mother calls !"

"Hang on until I get this on U-tube."

"I've just got to tell Mother about this !"

"Mother will be here with a saw in a few minutes."

"That's funny, Martha, because I thought of the Beetle Bailey comic, too."

"Wait until I tell you what my crazy husband did now !"

"I told Bob he should do push-ups to strengthen his arms."

"What should I Google to find out what to do in this situation ?"

"It's not my emergency, but my husband thinks he has one."

"Yeah, well, Bob's just hanging around like usual."

"Yelling at me is not going to help your situation, Bill !"

"I'm Googling how far a person can fall and still live...."

"Just a minute, Stella, Bob's yelling something at me."

"You've really gone out on a limb this time."

"Lasso you with a rope ? What am I, a cowgirl ?"

"You did update your  life insurance, didn't you ?"

Debra Watson, Eden

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Yes I'm you lover, but I'm not taking the phrase literally!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Just a moment!  I'm Googling "Cliff notes!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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#1:  "Well, at least you're hanging on by more than just a hair!"

#2:  "Where are the Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner when you need them?"

#3:  "Now would be a good time to follow through on your New Year's Resolution to practice your mountain climbing skills!"

#4:  "Hang on.

         Help is on its way.

         I'll be there as fast as I can."    ...with apologies to Glenn Shorrock and the Little River Band.

#5:  "I hope you know this doesn't excuse you from having to take out the trash!"

#6:  "See!  If you had completed all of your homework like I tried to get you to do, then you wouldn't have found yourself out here!"

#7:  "It's for you!"

#8 and #24:    "RIP Kobe Bryant and others who passed away in the helicopter crash."

#9:  "We'll just let the world know you came this close but just couldn't quite make it to the top!"

#10:  "Be sure to tune in for next week's episode of the Joke's On You, as this one is a cliffhanger!"

#11:  "I wanted to take bets on whether or not you make it out of here, but the instructions say, 'Please, no wagering!'"

#12:  "We're going to crash the internet with this episode of facebook live!"

#14:  "I'm going to name this video, 'Pruning the Deadwood!'"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

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Honey, dinner is ready

You’re so sweet to go out on a limb for me

I see you have prepared the taxes

It’s not that bad. It’s worse

I’ve got the list. Don’t forget the Grey Poupon

Shouldn’t you be doing that at the gym ?

Hang on Sloopy, Sloopy hang on

I’ve got the list of honey dos for you

Honey. I have the results. I’m not pregnant

Don’t make me come down there !

So, how’s our date going so far ?

The tax audit can’t be that bad

Relax, honey. I’ll try a new meatloaf recipe

Honey, how do I dial 911 ?

I’ve got the prenup ready

My mother’s coming to visit. Oh, you already knew

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

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Carlos D'Agostino, Greensboro

" So... Who is Tina?"

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Am i still the beneficiary of my husband's life insurance ?

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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Didn't I tell you the sign said dead end ?

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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He's gone out on a limb to marry me !

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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Why did you have to take the road less travelled ?

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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"For the last time, who's this 'Suri' and who's 'Alexa'?!"

Larry Parrish,  Leaksville

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Tim, It's Mort Walker. He wants his premise back.

Well, your fitness app wants you to start doing pull-ups.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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Hang on, my phone keeps dropping calls!

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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Can you believe I just got a drop dead call?

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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Now's the perfect time to renegotiate the divorce.

Sorry, I was reading the GPS upside down.

It said throw down a rope; it didn't indicate to hold one end.

I'll call for help...right after I snap a pic for Facebook.

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

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"You're falling for me all over again!"

"Finally, you're going to make an impact on something."

"Insurance investigators will need to see this."

"The mortician will need something to go by."

Bill Wallace

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Hold tight, I'm searching Dail-A-Prayer!

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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Unbelievable, I've been put on hold too!

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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“Would you prefer burial or cremation?”

Tim Tribbett

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“My signal dropped. Much like you.”

Tim Tribbett

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“There’s no app for this.”

Tim Tribbett

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“We’re in a dead zone. Oops, poor choice of words.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Can you try to miss my new car?”

Tim Tribbett

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Which do you think I'd look better in-  the Lamborghini or the Aston Martin?

Mike Perry, Eden

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Why are you always trying to get out of visiting my mother?

Mike Perry, Eden

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Just let go.  The ground is only 3 feet away

Patsy Sadler, Chino Valley,AZ

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"This wasn't what I had in mind when you said you wanted to hangout together."

Randy Thrasher, Durham

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"Going out on a limb is stressful dear, but just let it go."

Anne Baker, Greensboro

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“Your Mensa membership just got revoked.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Wait...who is this Sue woman in your contacts?!”

Tim Tribbett

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“Just because your friends did it?”

Tim Tribbett

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“Why do you want me to clear your search history?”

Tim Tribbett

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“I’m giving that hoverboard company a bad review!”

Tim Tribbett

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I’ll look for help. Don’t go anywhere.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Here..they want to talk to you.”

Tim Tribbett

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“I ordered you some Red Bull.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Just let me post this on Instagram first.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Son..are you wearing clean underwear?”

Tim Tribbett

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“Your fear of intimacy is out of hand.”

Tim Tribbett

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“I’m just changing your Facebook status.”

Tim Tribbett

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Want me to text the Murphy's that we can't make the party?

Mike Perry, Eden

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you're problem is you don't ask for directions until it's too late!

Mike Perry, Eden

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“An ad for ropes just popped up on Facebook.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Ironic you were distracted reading Cliff Notes.”

Tim Tribbett

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“You read too much Beetle Bailey!”

Tim Tribbett

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"Stop hanging around, we've got plans."

"That didn't go as planned."

"When you let go I will post the boomerang."

"I guess everyone else jumped."

Kristi Wallace, Greensboro

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“You’ve got 20 likes so far.”

“I just reached level 12!”

“I found a special on rope.”

“I wanna get a selfie.”

“You want kelp???”

“You want pepperoni or sausage?”

Phil Valla, Greensboro

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"The app still wants to know your location"

“What do you mean go viral? Like the Coronavirus?”

“They said aid would be released if you investigate their political rivals”

“The Astros said dangle for feet for an off-speed pitch”

Andrew Evans, Greensboro

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I knew you were close to going over the edge. That's why I called mama to come live with us!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Hold on Honey.  I just had a great idea for a J.O.Y. caption.

Do you think J.O.Y would accept a video clip of this?

This is going to win big bucks on America’s Funniest Home Videos

Don’t worry dear, I’m not going to post you actually falling to your death.

Honey will you stop screaming.  This is going to all my girl friends.

Congratulations Honey.  You just made the top five on Dumb Husbands.Com

Her husband was dangling from a limb in the air

Which was a problem for tech savvy Claire.

She wanted to post him on Twitter

Which made him act sort of bitter,

So she felt he was not being fair.

Charlie fell from a cliff and grabbed a  limb

Which seemed like a big problem to him.

His dear wife was no help

Because she was posting on Yelp,

Which made his future seem sort of grim.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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"Just let go.  The ground is only 3 feet away."

Patsy Sadler, Arizona

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"I was kidding.  This mail Isn't from the IRS."

"Honey, it's just one stroke... Take A Drop!"

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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Can I interest you in purchasing some life insurance?

I've been going through your messages - who's Trixie?

The Uber guy says he'll be here in 15 minutes. Can you hold on that long?

Ken Sheldon. Elon

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"Hon, can you take a call from your Mom?"

"Don't you think you're being a little dramatic about you birthday?"

"Told ya... you shoulda asked for directions."

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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“The Astros said dangle YOUR feet for an off-speed pitch”

"The app still wants to know your location"

 “What do you mean go viral? Like the Coronavirus?”

 “They said aid would be released if you investigate their political rivals”

 “The Astros said dangle for feet for an off-speed pitch”

Andrew Evans, Greensboro

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Make up your mind!  You want a picture of this or not?

Mike Perry, Eden

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You were right.  There is someone else.

Mike Perry, Eden

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"When they said we should just drop in, I think that you're

"Extreme Hide and Seek?    I like it."

"I don't care How much longer before you break the record, I will Not help you 'go potty'."

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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I've got Superman in a holding pattern right now !

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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I'm considering grounding your dad for forgetting my birthday !

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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Hang on a minute, I have a text I need to answer.

OK, mother’s gone, you can come up now.

You’ll do anything to keep from going over to mother’s with me.

I’m ordering pizza, what kind do you want?

It says here that most people can hold for 10-15 minutes.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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THIS WEEK’S JOY “WALKS INTO A BAR” (and other) JOKES

A climber fell off a cliff, and, as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch.

"Help! Is there anybody up there?" he shouted.

A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:

"I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me."

Yes, yes, I trust you!" cried the man.

"Let go of the branch," boomed the voice.

There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "Is there anybody else up there?"

Mike Perry, Eden

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BEST POEMS

Feeling High (Redux 2)

This clumsy tourist is hanging out on a limb;

terrible possibilities cloud the future for him.

He and the wife trekked from bottom to top;

made it right to the edge, but forgot to stop.

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Lucky for him, this cliff is home to a branch;

now he's suspended over a livestock ranch.

Down below, cattle moo lowly while grazing;

this high-altitude perch is surely hair-raising.

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The rancher glances up and sees the yokel;

can't conceive of him as being anyone local.

The foremost concern on his mind right now

is the idea this imbecile might land on a cow.

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He moseys back to the house, grabs a rifle;

this is a man with whom it's best not to trifle.

Trains the sight on the unsuspecting target;

he likens him to a wild, trespassing varmint.

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He pulls the trigger, the bullet rends the air;

the rancher may seem callous, but he's fair.

The projectile strikes, hitting the wood limb;

the city slicker figures it was meant for him.

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His body reacts, rising adrenaline courses;

he is filled with the strength of nine horses.

Discovers that the effect of a dire calamity

endows you with the power to defy gravity.

Bill Wallace

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High-Wire Act (Redux)

In his quest to become a You-Tube superstar,

this unathletic chap has taken matters too far.

Now he is not only a common-sense offender,

he's doing a rookie imitation of Karl Wallenda.

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To impress his wife, he strode out to the edge;

lost his balance and went right over the ledge.

He's hanging here by the slimmest of threads;

his panicked partner is consumed with dread.

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Dialing in hopes of contacting a rescue team,

she's run into another huge problem it seems.

Thousand-foot heights affect not just attitude;

cell-phone reception is spotty at high altitude.

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Her efforts at dialing lead to a wrong number;

she awakens a fellow who's deep in slumber.

He works night-shift down at the pillow plant,

a company belonging to his dear sweet aunt.

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He sees the urgency of their unique position;

develops an idea and goes out on a mission.

Being an expert at downy pillow construction,

he feels he can thwart the bozo's destruction.

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They were working on a project for Guinness;

the world's largest pillow, it was now finished.

With a fork-lift, he maneuvers it into his truck,

hauls-ass fearlessly through ooze and muck.

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Pedal to the metal, he gets there just in time;

hits the brakes hard, stops right on the dime.

Dumps the pillow at the appropriate location;

there's a happy ending to the scary situation.

Bill Wallace

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Her husband was dangling from a limb in the air

Which was a problem for tech savvy Claire.

      She wanted to post him on Twitter

      Which made him act sort of bitter,

So she felt he was not being fair.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

.

Charlie fell from a cliff and grabbed a  limb

Which seemed like a big problem to him.

      His dear wife was no help

      Because she was posting on Yelp,

Which made his future seem sort of grim.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

.

"Let's go somewhere today," exclaimed Bert.

"Lover's Leap sure sounds good," replied Myrt.

      Bert then jumped at the chance

      But grabbed onto a branch,

Since that stop at the bottom would hurt!

Ken Sheldon, Elon

.

Fred fell off the edge of the cliff

But caught on a limb

His wife called 911 and they said that

they would be there in 10

Fred said “But I have to go

I hope no one is below

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

.


BEST INSIDE JOKE

"Be sure to tune in for next week's episode of the Joke's On You, as this one is a cliffhanger!"

"I wanted to take bets on whether or not you make it out of here, but the instructions say, 'Please, no wagering!'"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

.

I’ve got the list. Don’t forget the Grey Poupon.

So, how’s our date going so far ?

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

.

Tim, It's Mort Walker. He wants his premise back.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

.

Hold on Honey.  I just had a great idea for a J.O.Y. caption.

Do you think J.O.Y would accept a video clip of this?

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

.

OK, the cookie squad is gone, you can come up now.

You’ll do anything to get on the “Joke’s On You.”

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

.


BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE

This proves Ancestry.com saying you're related to Sgt. Snorkel.

Tim, It's Mort Walker. He wants his premise back.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

.

"I'm phoning for help, Mr. Wallenda."

Bill Wallace

.

I know you love “Beetle Bailey” but he’s a cartoon.

Joe Farrar, Greensboro

.

"That's funny, Martha, because I thought of the Beetle Bailey comic, too."

Debra Watson, Eden

.

“You read too much Beetle Bailey!”

Tim Tribbett

.


BEST EARWORMS

"Hang on.

Help is on its way.

I'll be there as fast as I can."

...with apologies to Glenn Shorrock and the Little River Band.

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.

.

Hang on Sloopy, Sloopy hang on

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

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