jou_cat-jail_shark-shrink_071219

Send your entries to jokesonyou@greensboro.com by noon Wednesday, 071719

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Welcome to the News & Record’s “Jokes on You” page. Here is this week’s cartoon for your caption consideration, and last week’s cartoon and entries for you amusement (see below). Feel free to post comments and ask questions.

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And as always, please, no wagering.

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Please remember to put your name on your entry! (If you’re a junior --- age 13 and under --- also remember to include your school or age.)

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A FAVOR …

Due to an “upgrade” (why are they even called that?) to our email system, I’ll have to ask everyone who sends by email to make sure your text is formatted as “plain text,” as opposed to HTML text or Rich text.

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Last week’s cartoon was – Shark at the shrink. Next week’s cartoon - the one you’ll be writing captions for - is the cat in jail.

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Just for the record, here’s what one of the judges had to say about last week (good job!):

“Really good crop this time! It was hard to choose.”

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WINNER

“But I ask myself am I really a GREAT White?  Sometimes I just feel like a Mediocre White.”

Molly Sadler, Flagstaff, AZ

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RUNNERS-UP

”Everywhere I go, I hear that awful ‘Jaws’ theme.”

Martha Eakes

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“Deep down, I’m really a vegan.”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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“I’m afraid of water.”

David Core

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“Right now I feel like a fish out of water.”

John Bayersdorfer, Greensboro

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“You should have seen the human that got away.  He was this big!”

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

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“Nobody wants to be my chum.”

Bill Wallace

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“I can’t get that ‘Baby Shark’ song out of my head!!”

Philip Blue, Pleasant Garden

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“My wife’s a hammerhead, and we just don’t see eye to eye!”

Mike Perry, Eden

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“I cannot believe she left me for an Orca.”

Tim Sharpe

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HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)

“I’m like a fish out of water.”

Debra Watson, Eden

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“I was just pulling his leg.”

Luther Jackson, Stoneville

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“Call me paranoid, but I think they’re tracking my movements.”

Betty Dixon, Greensboro

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The kids at school used to lure me with chum then make fun of me.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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“Family dinners seem so frenzied.”

Tim Tribbett

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I have no way to advance.   There is no Magnificent White.

Pasty Sadler, Chino Valley, AZ

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“The sight of blood makes me sick.”

Phil Valla; Greensboro

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TIM’S PICK(S) My picks don’t necessarily mean what should have won, or gotten a runner-up, it’s just to spotlight what I think are good but over-looked captions.

“Sorry!  I go into a trance when I’m upside down.”

Rusty Morgan, Greensboro

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BEAT THE CARTOONIST

Sometimes, I come up with a caption no one else does. When that happens, I’ll post it here.

Just once I'd like take-out.

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THE REST

 “I have feelings of inadequacy about devouring.”

Julian Busby, M.D. High Point

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Why, yes - my mother did keep telling me, 'You're going to need a bigger boat.'

Rev. Beth M. Woodard, Greensboro, Trinity Elms campus, Clemmons

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Everywhere I go, I hear that awful "Jaws" theme

Martha Eakes

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Since birth I've had to fin for myself.

Martha Eakes Greensboro

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Everywhere I so, I hear that disgusting "Jaws" theme.

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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“My grandfather was named Jaws, I am under so much pressure!”

Teresa Bean, Greensboro

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I don't understand the hype - we all have to eat.

Deep down, I'm really a vegan.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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I've got this earworm - it's two really low notes that go, "Buuuh dum. Buuuh dum."

I pitched this idea for a really cool business, but they turned me down.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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I can't get that "Baby Shark" song out of my head!!

Philip Blue,  Pleasant Garden

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Everyone flips out when I go to the beach, Doc!

Mike Perry, Eden

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With all the screaming and chaos, I'm afraid to go near the shore anymore!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I have an innate fear of shark fin soup

John Bayersdorfer, Greensboro

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“Right now I feel like a fish out of water.”

John Bayersdorfer, Greensboro

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I have an innate fear of sharks fin soup

John Bayersdorfer, Greensboro

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"It's been an uphill battle for me since 'Jaws'."

"I need a good PR campaign like Charlie Tuna."

"My life really bites."

"If I were a human, they'd call me a hit-man."

"My dorsal fin drives people away."

"I feel like a fish out of water here."

"Every time I try to meet someone, they punch me in the nose."

"What you call a beach, I call a buffet."

"I feel like my life lacks porpoise."

"Sorry I'm late - I had a heckuva time getting a taxi."

"I once caught a human this big!"

"When people go in the water, it's like home-made soup!"

"My last name might as well be 'Attack'."

"Aren't you going to give me the Rorschach test?"

"I get depressed when I see a 'No Swimming' sign."

"Someone gets in a car-wreck headed to the beach and you never hear about it."

"Nobody wants to be my chum."

"Can we stop for a minute? I need to grab a bite."

"You're going to need a bigger note-pad."

"I want to be more like Flipper."

"People on floats are like Popsicles."

Bill Wallace

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I see fins to the left, fins to the right, and I'm the only bait in town.

If I'm such a great catch, why am I still single?

I don't go trespassing where you live.

Is it normal to be a vegetarian?

David Core

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People fear me even though all I am doing is fishing

John Bayersdorfer, Greensboro

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Life's a beach.

I'm afraid of water.

I can't swim.

David Core

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I feel bad about the guys whose leg I bit off.   I bet he's kicking himself now!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I'm saved!  I found cod!

Mike Perry, Eden

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A guy was selling a condo and I thought it was something I could sink my teeth in.  I was wrong!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I bit a clown last week.  It tasted funny!

Mike Perry, Eden

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My dentist said I need braces.  I can't afford that, doc!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I am obsessed with searching for my sole porpoise in life!

Marilyn Riffle, Gibsonville

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I'm bored, Doc.  I just can't find anything I want to sink my teeth into!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I bit a clown last week.  It tasted funny!

Mike Perry, Eden

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My dentist said I need braces.  I can't afford that, doc!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I am obsessed with searching for my sole porpoise in life!

Marilyn Riffle, Gibsonville

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I'm bored, Doc.  I just can't find anything I want to sink my teeth into!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I have biter's remorse.

It's a shark eat, shark world out there.

I can't get the "Jaws" theme out of my head.

David Core

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"I'm having Species Identity problems ... I identify both as a Shark AND a Dolphin!!"

"And suddenly I realize he's NOT my brother, he's a Shark ... and Now I keep dreaming about those TEETH!!!"

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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“Doc,  ever since I told my friends that I'm seeing you, they've created a 'Shark at the Shrink' RAP.  What do I do?"

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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I really can't afford you.  But if you have any competition you need to go away, I'm sure we can work something out!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Doc, I asked an octopus to marry me, but she said no!  Now I'm stuck with 8 engagement rings!

Mike Perry, Eden

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"I heard one of them say they needed a bigger boat and it all went downhill after that."

Mitch Poole, Mt. Juliet, TN

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 “Guilt? Are you kidding me Doc?  I ate both my siblings before birth.  I hated my mother and I never got to know my father!  You tell me , Doc!”

Bob Norfleet

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 “Yes, doctor.  I feel slightly guilty...about all the humans I ate over the years without flossing.  All those bony arms & legs wreaked havoc on my teeth & gums!  And now you want to refer me to a dentist?!  Don’t you believe it’s a bit late?”

Bob Norfleet

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I have a real problem, Doc!  All I think about all day is playing cards!

Mike Perry, Eden

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The fact that I identify with being a shark and a dolphin makes me trans"fin"der, right?

After years of people screaming and swimming away  Doc I'm feeling really self conscious

" People are friends not food".  My friend Nemo taught me that.

Mandy Tadder, Flagstaff, AZ

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I heard one of the say they needed a bigger boat and it all went downhill after that.

Mitch Poole, Mt. Juliet, TN

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I missed Shark Week!!

Pasty Sadler, Chino Valley, AZ

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We're going to need a bigger couch."

"But I ask myself am I really a GREAT White?  Sometimes I just feel like a Mediocre White."

Molly Sadler, Flagstaff, AZ

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“Everybody wants a piece of me, and all I want is a small piece of them!”

Betty Dixon, Greensboro

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“I was just looking for a chum, and everyone swam away!”

Betty Dixon, Greensboro

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“Nice is not in my vocabulary “

Craige Reavis, Eden

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“Call me paranoid, but I think they’re tracking my movements.”

Betty Dixon, Greensboro

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1.  Everywhere I go, I hear that disgusting Jaws theme.

2.  Since I was born, I've had to fin for myself.

3.  Then I saw Rory Scheider, and I knew there was only one thing to do.

4.  I saw chums in my future, not the friendship kind either.

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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The Periodontitsis and subsequent teeth loss has really damaged my self-image, Doc!

Mike Perry, Eden

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"I was just 'pulling his leg'."

Luther Jackson, Stoneville

They enter our world, make a lot of noise, splash about, and when we give them a little love nip, we get villainized!  It's not fair!

Mike Perry, Eden

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"A sting-ray got Steve Irwin, but nobody's calling for their scalp!"

"I have a recurring nightmare about being chased by three guys in a boat."

"My trouble started when I got involved with a loan-shark."

"If I go vegan, I'll be competing against the whales."

"I feel like I'm always on the Mako."

"On the other hand, I've been good for the prosthetics business."

"Sometimes I can be such a hammer-head."

"I tend to lose weight after Labor Day."

"I look at surfers as Mobile Meals."

"It's a paradox - they're smart enough to wear sunscreen, but dumb enough to go in the water."

"They criticize me and then gorge themselves at an all-you-can-eat buffet."

"I'm on a fat-free diet, so I only eat the ones wearing Speedos."

"The surfing championship is next week, so I'm worried about weight-gain."

"The Chamber of Commerce calls it 'Swimming With the Dolphins' since most of these morons don't know the difference."

"Why should humans have a monopoly on the surf-and-turf deal?"

"Will a fin cover the cost of this session?"

Bill Wallace

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"I don't think 27% interest is too much for a loan."

"No girlfriend, but I go out with the tide every day."

"Why do they holler 'Shark!' whenever they see me ?"

"I don't like people invading my space."

"You don't see me in their homes, do you ?"

"I'm too scared to watch the movie 'Jaws.'"

"I'm like a fish out of water."

"There's no tooth fairy for us sharks."

"Why couldn't I have been a dolphin ?"

"I tried out for 'Flipper', but they said I wasn't right for the part."

"I'm just a lone loan shark."

"I was just trying to get a hug."

"If only I didn't have a fin...."

"It hurts my feelings when they swim away from me."

"I'm afraid of water...."

"I would love to just lie on the beach and read a book."

Debra Watson, Eden

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I was watching Sharknado XII, and I was afraid!  Very afraid!  What's wrong with me, Doc?

Mike Perry, Eden

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"I'm having this recurring nightmare where they take me to Sea World for my birthday!"

Larry Parrish,  Eden

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Starkiss said I could be famous in a can..

Larry Miller, Greensboro

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I was an extra for "Jaws," but I've forgotten most of it.  Am I getting senile, Doc?

Mike Perry, Eden

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It's "Me" week.  But I just feel too excited or enthused about it!  What's wrong, doc?

Mike Perry, Eden

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My wife's a hammerhead, and we just don't see eye to eye!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I can't help it, Doc.  I love humans!

Mike Perry, Eden

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“The others used to call me the ‘Not so Great’ white.”

Tim Tribbett

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“… and then they said ‘we’re gonna need a smaller boat’!”

Tim Tribbett

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"And then I try to sleep and "Mack the Knife" plays over and over"

Jonathan Sparrow-Greensboro

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1. I’m scared of water.

2. Every night I dream I’m being attacked by a whale.

3. I got turned down on Shark Tank.

4. I am obsessed by arms and legs.

5. Everyone hates me, I wish I could turn into a tuna.

Dave Sheets, Greensboro

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#1:    "You should have seen the human that got away.  He was this big!"

#2:    "After that I. P. Freeley joke, I'm going to guess that Cockerham isn't his real last name!"

#3:    "How can I be crazy?  You're the one attempting to practice psychiatry on a sea animal!"

#4:    "I've got an identity crises!  No one knows whether I'm a whale, a porpoise, or a shark!"

#5:    "I just haven't been the same since that time I was driving the tractor-trailer, and it started to fishtail!"

#6:    "Just don't let the media find out you've been swimming close to shore, or else it'll become a feeding frenzy!"

#7:    "Anybody ever call you Einstein?"

#8:    "My income hasn't been the same since sales starting slowing on 'A Dolphin's Tale!'"

#9:    "We're not ones to let the facts get in the way of a good fish story!"

#10:    "Thanks for letting me lay down on this couch.  Otherwise, you'd probably fall asleep watching me in a fish tank!"

#11:    "Every time it's my turn to bat, they use The Theme From Jaws as my walk-up music!"

#12:    "Sanibel's Seafood Restaurant wants to make me their Guest of Honor!"

#14:    "Just behind the reef are the big white teeth

               Of the sharks that can swim on the land.

               Can't you feel them circling, honey?

               Can't you feel them schooling around?

               You got fins to the left, fins to the right,

               And you're the only bait in town!"        ...with apologies to Jimmy Buffett, Deborah McColl, Barry Chance, and Tom Corcoran.

#15:    "Aren't we fin-nished yet?"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

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“Sometimes I feel like I’m just going in circles.”

Tim Tribbett

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“I get profiled constantly.”

Tim Tribbett

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"I love the way remoras suck up to me!"

"Holy mackerel, doc! I think you cured me."

"I was a biter even as a kid."

"You've given me a lot to chew on, doc."

"I was the victim of a bait-and-switch scam."

"I've been black-listed from all the local pools."

"You might want to move your right hand back just a little."

"I had a relapse, but I don't want to talk about it. Just watch the six o'clock news."

Bill Wallace

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"Doc, I have a fear of water!"

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"And when his leg touched me I almost jumped out of my fin!"

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"My Dad made me watch Jaws!"

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"Then the eel called me a Loan Shark!"

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"I feel like I'm swimming in circles!"

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"I'm addicted to peanut butter and jellyfish sandwiches."

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"My mom and dad divorced because Dad was a card shark."

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"Just how many clams do you charge for this?"

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"Do you think a shark and a dolphin can be happy together?" 

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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I don't feel Great.

I have no porpoise in life.

I'm once bitten, twice shy.

David Core

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"The rip tides this summer are giving us a bad name."

David Shoulberg, Greensboro

"Those investors out-sharked me !"

"Those investors thought my idea for a new-type shark tank was crazy."

"Doc, I'm afraid to go back in the water!"

Debra Watson, Eden

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You know, Doc, this bites!

Lynda Perry, Eden

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At last I realize how important it is to floss!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Remember the good ship Lollipop?  Well, they all rotted and fell out before I could finish it!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I attacked Chuck Norris!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I cannot believe she left me for a Orca .

I will eat you also

Tim Sharpe

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You say this is a classic case of fin envy?

I don't think I can hold my breath much longer.

Just once I'd like a nice sit down dinner, instead of a feeding frenzy.

David Core

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I didn't listen to my dentist when he said I should always floss!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Where'd I study law?

Mike Perry, Eden

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“I feel like a fish out of water.”

Tim Tribbett

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... and now my dentist tells me my new grill will cost about $85.000!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I love walking on the beach looking for human teeth.

I saw Jaws and now I can't sleep.

It's not great being a Great White.

Why is everyone scared of me?

I'm a great guy once you get past that man eating thing.

The kids at school used to lure me with chum then make fun of me.

The last time I tried to get a tan on the beach there was so much screaming.

OK, I did eat that one guy, but he had it coming.

I would never eat a person.  Have you ever tasted one?

My dental bills are through the roof.

I'm afraid of the water.

I'm afraid of drowning.

I tried out for Shark Tank and got turned down.

I identify as a tuna.

My marriage to that swordfish has become pointless.

Outside I look frightening, but inside I'm just a jellyfish.

So what if I want to wear Bermuda shorts and flip flops?

Why does Charlie the Tuna get all the good press?

I tried eating a J.O.Y captioner once, but his taste was so bad I spit him out.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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 “Sorry!  I go into a trance when I’m upside down.”

“Every time I try to eat I get punched in the nose.”

“”I’m stressed out! My dentist told me I’m going to need dentures.”

“Shark week is coming up and I already have a full plate on my schedule.”

“Would  you believe I’m a vegetarian?”

Rusty Morgan, Greensboro

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“Peoplenados!”

Tim Tribbett

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“Honestly, I would settle for a pretty good White.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Family dinners seem so frenzied.”

Tim Tribbett

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I have this enormous fear of the water!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I thought I was going to be fabulously rich, but then I found out the tooth fairy doesn't exist!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I don’t like the taste of fish.    

I have no way to advance.   There is no Magnificent White.

I thought I’d missed Shark Week!   

I’ve got this song stuck in my head

Dah Daump    Dah Daump.   

Would you mind rubbing my Great White belly before we start?

Pasty Sadler, Chino Valley, AZ

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One time I told a bite out of this guy named Tim Rickard and he tasted funny.

Hey doc, if you wore glasses you'd look that guy who was in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Seems like he was in another big movie but I can't remember what it was … so when they asked whose there I say "Land shark". I crack myself up.

Mandy Tadder, Flagstaff, AZ

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All my life, I've felt like a fish out of water.

I feel like a man out of oxygen.

I'm a great white shark who doesn't feel so great.

They stole Jaws from me. Sharknado? All ME!

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

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I did not do well on the shark tank

All I want to eat is Grey Poupon

That trip up the coast cost me a fin

I feel like a fish out of water

I can’t swim !

But I like crowded beaches

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

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"Attention Salem Shoppers:  There will be a Blue Candle Special when the noon bell rings, behind Ye Olde Blacksmyth."

"For Halloween, he dresses up as The Hunchback of Notre Dame."

"For Christmas, he's thinking about adding a Bucket and seeing if anyone gives him cash!"

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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"Well, they Say I'm a Nurse Shark, but they Laugh when I say that I've helped HEAL anyone."

"I'm a NURSE shark, but I 'm depressed 'cause my family makes fun of my career!"

"I'm so sad.  I'm a nurse shark but I seem to make most people Worse!!"

"My mom was a Nurse Shark but she wouldn't even Nurse me as a Baby!!"

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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 “I don’t like sushi.”

“People don’t like me except during Shark Week.” 

“The sight of blood makes me sick.”

“I don’t want to be a land shark.” 

Phil Valla; Greensboro

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“I accidentally bit my Mom in a feeding frenzy!”

Tim Tribbett

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“I’ve been profiled since ‘Jaws’!”

Tim Tribbett

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"Fins to the right, Fins to the left, and she's the only girl in town"

"I tried helping him to shore"

"I feel like a fish out of water"

"I'm not a bully, I am just misunderstood"

Kristi Wallace, Greensboro

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“Everywhere I go, people always point at me and yell SHARK!!  I feel like I have no privacy”.

Tom Norman

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With this doctor, the shark would soon seethe!

He'd get angry, start bearing his teeth!

"Is it mom or your dad

That is making you mad?"

"Out of water, a shark cannot breathe!!!"

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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Sometimes I just feel like a fish out of water.

After that, my movie career went downhill.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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THIS WEEK’S JOY “WALKS INTO A BAR” JOKES

A guy walks into a bar, sits on a stool and orders a beer.  The bartender notices how down-in-the-dumps the man looks and asks him what is wrong.  The customer says "I've got a half sister!"  To which the bartender replies "Different father?" And the customer pushes away a tear and says "Shark attack!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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A shark walks into a bar and sits down, but looks dejected! Bartender proffers him a quaff, which he drinks down. The bartender asks him what's wrong, to which he replies, "It's my wife, Joe.  She's left me!"  To which the bartender says "Oh, I wouldn't worry about it Reggie.  There are plenty of fish in the sea!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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A guy limps up to a bar located on a beautiful Caribbean beach.  The bartender comes over with a look of concern and says," Are you OK, mon?" The guy says, "Yeah I'm fine.  I must have stepped on a sharp shell and cut my foot while I was wading in the surf.  Luckily there weren't any sharks around with all the blood in the water."  Suddenly a huge shark leaps out of the water, runs up to the bar, grabs the guy and swallows him whole.  The shark, looking somewhat embarrassed, says to the bartender, " Yo mon, I'm sorry I'm late.  My car wouldn't start this morning."

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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BEST POEMS

Confidence Crisis

This shrink is analyzing a deadly shark;

a lethal killer that could tear you apart.

Like the Cowardly Lion, this guy has issues;

he can't stand the taste of human tissue.

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He's the laughing-stock of all Great Whites;

he'll swim 500 miles just to avoid a fight.

The sight of blood leads to awful tremors;

faints at the sight of vacationing swimmers.

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He hopes to conquer these disabling traits;

resolve these issues and set things straight.

His presence should foster general panic;

he's known as the joke of the entire Atlantic.

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The good doctor realizes the plight he's in;

uncertain of the response to his dorsal fin.

It's a poor self-image, not courage he lacks,

caused by all the bad PR of shark attacks.

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It won't be simple to reverse this condition;

the doctor will have to develop a coalition.

Restoring the killer instinct needs a system,

and a huge number of unsuspecting victims.

Bill Wallace

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Fraidy Fish

Here's a shark that's afraid of the water;

gets laughed at by dolphins and otters.

No one knows the source of his trauma;

the doctor suspects a link to his mama.

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He was built for speed and lethal deeds;

there's something lacking that he needs.

With the guidance of this helpful shrink,

he'll find courage and return to the drink.

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He's been a recluse and mostly a loner;

is seen as a loser and petulant moaner.

Nature bestowed him with terrifying traits,

but he finds himself mired in dire straits.

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He resides in a shack just off the shore;

is a regular customer at the local store.

People have grown used to his habits;

consider him to be as timid as a rabbit.

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He's made strides in psychic treatment;

his predatory acts are becoming frequent.

Just yesterday, at a bar, he elicited cheers

when he sauntered in and killed a beer.

Bill Wallace

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Sharks have the water,

We have the beaches.

Sharks enjoy sushi,

We enjoy peaches.

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Surfers ride crashing waves,

Walls of water reach great height.

Sharks swim silently close by,

Just waiting for a scrumptious bite.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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The shark in the psychologist’s office one day

Said Doc, you know that I have been seeing you since May

and I still don’t know what’s the matter

I still feel like a fish out of water.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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The shark was in the psychologist’s office at one

Said the psychologist, the shark may be by next week

We’ll get this job done and instead of being sad you will be glad.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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With this doctor, the shark would soon seethe!

He'd get angry, start baring his teeth!

       "Is it mom or your dad

       That is making you mad?"

"Out of water, a shark cannot breathe!!!"

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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BEST INSIDE JOKE

I tried eating a J.O.Y captioner once, but his taste was so bad I spit him out.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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"After that I. P. Freeley joke, I'm going to guess that Cockerham isn't his real last name!"

"I've got an identity crises!  No one knows whether I'm a whale, a porpoise, or a shark!"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.

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One time I told a bite out of this guy named Tim Rickard and he tasted funny.

Mandy Tadder, Flagstaff, AZ

Funny? Hmmm … may not have been me. Did he also taste like bitterness and shame?

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All I want to eat is Grey Poupon

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

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BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE

I pitched this idea for a really cool business, but they turned me down.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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I was watching Sharknado XII, and I was afraid!  Very afraid!  What's wrong with me, Doc?

Mike Perry, Eden

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"I need a good PR campaign like Charlie Tuna."

"You're going to need a bigger note-pad."

Bill Wallace

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"I heard one of them say they needed a bigger boat and it all went downhill after that."

Mitch Poole, Mt. Juliet, TN

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" People are friends not food".  My friend Nemo taught me that.

Mandy Tadder, Flagstaff, AZ

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Then I saw Roy Scheider, and I knew there was only one thing to do.

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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Why does Charlie the Tuna get all the good press?

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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Hey doc, if you wore glasses you'd look that guy who was in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Seems like he was in another big movie but I can't remember what it was …

So when they asked who’s there, I say "Land shark". I crack myself up.

Mandy Tadder, Flagstaff, AZ

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They stole Jaws from me. Sharknado? All ME!

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

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BEST/WORST PUNS

Since birth I've had to fin for myself.

Martha Eakes Greensboro

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"I feel like my life lacks porpoise."

Bill Wallace

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I'm saved!  I found cod!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I am obsessed with searching for my sole porpoise in life!

Marilyn Riffle, Gibsonville

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The fact that I identify with being a shark and a dolphin makes me trans"fin"der, right?

Mandy Tadder, Flagstaff, AZ

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"Aren't we fin-nished yet?"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

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I have no porpoise in life.

David Core

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BEST EARWORMS

I can't get that "Baby Shark" song out of my head!!

Philip Blue, Pleasant Garden

Those of you not familiar with this song, consider yourselves lucky

.

It's that baby shark song doc. It's maddening!

Baby Shark

Baby shark, do do, do do do do

Baby shark, do do, do do do do

Baby shark, do do, do do do do

Baby shark

Mama Shark, do do, do do do do

Mama Shark, do do, do do do do

Mama Shark, do do, do do do do

Mama Shark

Papa Shark, do do, do do do do

Papa Shark, do do, do do do do

Papa Shark, do do, do do do do

Papa Shark

Grandma Shark, do do, do do do do

Grandma Shark, do do, do do do do

Grandma Shark, do do, do do do do

Grandma Shark

Mandy Tadder, Flagstaff, AZ

OH, NO! There goes my brain for the rest of the day!

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#14:    "Just behind the reef are the big white teeth

               Of the sharks that can swim on the land.

               Can't you feel them circling, honey?

               Can't you feel them schooling around?

               You got fins to the left, fins to the right,

               And you're the only bait in town!"

...with apologies to Jimmy Buffett, Deborah McColl, Barry Chance, and Tom Corcoran.

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

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"Fins to the right, Fins to the left, and she's the only girl in town"

Kristi Wallace, Greensboro