jou_talking-exercise-bike_clown-funeral_011020

Send your entries to jokesonyou@greensboro.com by noon Wednesday, January 15, 2020

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Welcome to the News & Record’s “Jokes on You” page. Here is this week’s cartoon for your caption consideration, and last week’s cartoon and entries for you amusement (see below). Feel free to post comments and ask questions.

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And as always, please, no wagering.

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Please remember to put your name on your entry! (If you’re a junior --- age 13 and under --- also remember to include your school or age.) Also, I had to finish this week’s JOY a day early, so anything submitted after Wednesday night will not show up until next week.

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Last week’s cartoon was clown funeral.. Next week’s cartoon - the one you’ll be writing captions for is –

(Remember those Peloton ads? Just what do those video screens say or do to inspire one to work out?) Lady on the exercise video-bike.

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WINNER

“I see a lot of happy faces, but I know that’s just the face paint”

Andrew Evans, Greensboro

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RUNNERS-UP

“It’s true he put the fun in funeral.”

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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"The Whoopee cushions in your seats were his idea."

Bill Wallace

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“Remember we will all be stuffing ourselves in the hearse to the graveside.”

Tony Bean, Danbury

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“Now we will release 100 balloon animals.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Obviously, laughter is not the best medicine!”

Mike Perry, Eden

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“After the service there will be pie throwing and coffee.”

Lisa Meyerhoffer, Greensboro

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“For his last joke, Bobo asked that his body be hidden among you.”

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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“He left some really big shoes to fill.”

David Core, Greensboro

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HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)

“He wanted to be buried with his nose on!”

Rusty Morgan, Greensboro

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In a moment please rise so we can give Bobo the 21 squirting flower salute he deserves

Mandy Tadder, Flagstaff, AZ

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“We had to get an extra tall coffin for his shoes.”

Phil Valla, Greensboro

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“Laugh or weep, according to your make-up.”

Norma Kay, Greensboro

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TIM’S PICK(S) My picks don’t necessarily mean what should have won, or gotten a runner-up, it’s just to spotlight what I think are good but over-looked captions.

“I know he would appreciate that you all wore your sad faces today.”

Joe Farrar, Greensboro

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BEAT THE CARTOONIST

Sometimes, I come up with a caption no one else does. When that happens, I’ll post it here.

You never know when you’re gonna get that pie with your name on it.

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THE REST

1.  What can I say?  He laughed himself to death.

2.  It's true he put the fun in funeral.

3.  His one-clown act got to be too big an undertaking.

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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A car crash is a terrible thing.  But rejoice in the fact that they will all be buried together!

Mike Perry, Eden

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“His legacy will be his invention of the squirting flower.”

Julian Busby, M.D. High Point

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Today we say goodbye to Bozo, Chuckles, Binky, Zippy, Bingo, Giggles and Clarabelle.

Because of Floppy, we all have big shoes to fill.

He was a great accountant - no one could juggle the books like him

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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"He leaves some big shoes to fill."

"The car will be a little lonelier without him."

"He died with a smile on his face."

"Watch out for the floral arrangements - they squirt."

"He wasn't clowning around about his illness."

"I'm sure you all car-pooled here."

"This is turning into a real circus!"

"He'll be buried with 20 other clowns."

 Bill Wallace

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"I don't think we can ever 'Make Up' for his loss."

Larry Kirwan, Greensboro

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You have to be funny...those kids tricycles showed no mercy on him....

Larry Miller, Greensboro

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"Dumbo went rogue and took poor Bozo out."

"He squirted a concealed-carry audience member."

"Of course, we'll be taking only one vehicle to the cemetery."

"No doubt, he was a real Bozo."

"His casket is a Jack-in-the-box model."

Bill Wallace

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“Please bow your heads, as we have a moment of laughter for Bozo.”

“The last time I saw Bozo, he was driving the clown car, he was so happy!”

Rick O’Reilly, Greensboro

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There lie 12 of the greatest ever.

Their fans demanded a Smart Car. Alas...

Bill Furlow, Greensboro

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"They say it was old age, but with his make-up, who knows?"

"The Whoopee cushions in your seats were his idea."

"His wife Kathy appreciates your attendance today."

"His performances were in-your-face due to his lapel-squirter."

"The hump at the casket-end is to accommodate his shoes."

Bill Wallace

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He was a real clown.  Even in death, he still had a smile on his face!

Mike Perry, Eden

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As Jack retires from the funny business, we gather to put Jack's hat in the box once more

Marry Talton, Graham

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“There’s actually 20 clowns in there.”

Tim Tribbett

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1. BOBO is proof one can die laughing!

2. Always remember he die with a painted smile on his face!

3. Let us all take notice today to the dangers of getting a pie in the face!

4. Remember we will all be stuffing ourselves in the hearse to the graveside.

5. We wish him nothing but squirting flowers, honking horns, and rubber noses in that big top in the sky!!

Tony Bean, Danbury

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"Here in this coffin lies my beloved friends, all eighteen of them."

David D., Winston-Salem

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Fred meant so much to all of us.  Who’s going to drive the car now?

I can’t see it in your faces but I know you’re all very sad.

We’ll have a water balloon fight after the gravesite service. He would want it that way.

Of course we’ll all ride together to the gravesite.

He willed his air horn to charity.

His shoes were too big to fit in the casket.

I know he would appreciate that you all wore your sad faces today.

Joe Farrar, Greensboro

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“I guess we really didn’t know the true meaning of hairDye!”

Tom Sloan, Greensboro

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"Interment will be at the Funny Farm cemetery."

"His nick-name was 'One More' due to his uncanny ability to squeeze into the car."

"This guy was a real clown!"

"Some of you either didn't sign the registry or used disappearing ink."

"He became unbalanced - unfortunately, he was on the high-wire at the time."

"He was honored with an obituary in the comic pages."

"In true clown tradition, we will have 34 pallbearers."

Bill Wallace

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Judging from two cars outside, he really had a lot of friends.

David Core, Greensboro

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"Today we remember our 16 colleagues who were killed in a compact car crash."

Philippe Wiener, Greensboro

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He wasn't a whiteface clown, a tramp clown, nor a mime, rodeo clown or jester.  No he was totally something else!

What a Bozo!

Mike Perry, Eden

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“Next we will have a 21 seltzer bottle salute.”

Tim Tribbett

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“He left some REALLY big shoes to fill.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Now we will release a 100 balloon animals.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Take time to stop and sniff the squirting flowers.”

Tim Tribbett

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“In lieu of squirting flowers, please donate to your local balloon animal shelters”

“Unfortunately, his joke-defibrillator wasn’t clearly labeled”

“We put his horn in the casket in case this is an elaborate joke”

“I’d say ‘he’s looking down on us,’ but his shoes will block his view”

“He wanted each of you to have one of his handkerchiefs, although they all appear to be tied together”

“I see a lot of happy faces, but I know that’s just the face paint”

“We are saddened by his passing but are relieved his shoes fit inside”

“We all feel bad for laughing, but miming for help was Jim’s mistake”

“Let us bow our red noses”

“Our retaliation against the Mimes will be swift!!”

Andrew Evans, Greensboro

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LETS ALL SHOW SOME RESPECT FOR OUR DEPARTED FRIEND BOZO HATS OFF !!

DON RANKIN, GREENSBORO

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Yes, all 14 victims of the clown car accident are in there.

Chris Burton, Greensboro

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My words of comfort are LOL.

Dave Clark, Greensboro

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Obviously, laughter is not the best medicine!

Mike Perry, Eden

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He was a master of his trade.  You know, I wouldn't be surprised if he's clowning around with this!

Mike Perry, Eden

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He was never afraid to laugh at himself.  Even when he jumped off that cliff, he cracked himself up!

Mike Perry, Eden

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There are 47 clowns in that coffins so I'm going to just do a blanket eulogy.

Mandy Tadder, Flagstaff, AZ

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"If only his horn had worked . . ."

Patty Kostedt, Greensboro

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“Bozo’s wife caught him “clowning around”.  You may visit her at the big house after the service.”

Ruth Sturm, Greensboro

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“Bozo’s wife caught him “clowning around”.  You may visit her in the Big House after the service.”

Ruth Sturm, Greensboro

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I remember once when he opened a door for me.  And I said to myself "Now that's a nice jester!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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My father was a very-well liked member of this church.  His will be some big shoes to fill!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Here are my clown cartoon entries.  Thank you.

He was a real Bozo.

Thank you for all coming together in one car.

Honk your nose if would like to say a few words.

His life was like a circus.

After the service there will be pie throwing and coffee.

He lived life on his own terms--not afraid to mix stripes with plaid.

There's room for 12 more in the front row. 

Lisa Meyerhoffer, Greensboro

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He was number 23 in a car built for only 22!

Mike Perry, Eden

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"Knowing the car only held nine,he bravely volunteered for tenth."

Jonathan Sparrow, Greensboro

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He forgot the first rule of his profession:  The first rule of mime club is you don't talk about mime club!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Before he became a clown, he was a tennis player.  But he could never overcome the tendency to foot fault!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Laugh or weep, according to your make-up.

Rejoice!  He's released from all those risky stunts.

How many of you, like him, are tired of your trade?

Who would gladly change places with him?

Don't cry.  Your make-up will run.

This is just a test.  The casket is empty.

He put his head in the lion's mouth one last time.

He's not dead.  It's siesta time.

He left a warning, to avoid working with tigers.

He just had to try the high wire.

We'll be auctioning off his costumes later.

You two need hats.  He had dozens.

You'll get your hats back after we've taken the burial collection.

Whoops, the funeral's not 'till tomorrow!

Bozo, your wife called and said to pick up a quart of milk.

Norma Kay, Greensboro

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"We won't miss his habit of passing gas in the clown-car."

"He mistakenly thought that the lion would like riding in the car."

"His one-time appearance as the human cannonball was ill-advised."

 Bill Wallace

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“A sad reminder to let pies cool before throwing.”

Tim Tribbett

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“He was a brave rodeo clown who disdained barrels.”

Tim Tribbett

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“His last words were “Hold my pie’.”

Tim Tribbett

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“In hindsight I guess the choking wasn’t mime.”

Tim Tribbett

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Chuckles- who can forget the seltzer bottle, light bulb nose-    Truly, his shoes will be hard to fill!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Yes, it's true.  The hearse is a Clown Victoria.

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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Just so for the record, and let there be no equivocation, this man was a fool!!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I'm not exactly sure how it could happen, but he died from a broken funny bone!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Apparently it's not the best medicine!

Mike Perry, Eden

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He volunteered to be the first one in the clown car.

His new inflatable nose exploded.

Johns last words were,” You’re going to get a big bang out of this stunt”.

His new job as a lion tamer was short lived.

High wire walking in large floppy shoes was his undoing.

As you know there are twenty-six clowns in this casket.

He died with a painted smile on his face.

His girlfriend, the knife thrower, says she’s sorry.

He died laughing.

The fat lady didn’t realize he was sitting in her chair.

He never should have tried political humor.

He never should have worn his target costume to the gun show.

He killed himself trying to get a laugh at an undertaker’s convention.

Flappy felt unfulfilled as a politician.

Senator Slappy felt right at home in Washington.

Glimmer was accidentally booked to play at a Hell’s Angels party.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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Did he try internal medicine?   No!  Nuclear medicine?  No.  Laugh is the best?  Yes. and it killed him!

Mike Perry, Eden

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We weep for his absence, but rejoice in his reward!"  He will finally get his "pie in the sky!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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“Let the pies cool first guys!”

Tim Tribbett

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“It was the most ambitious balloon animal ever attempted.”

Tim Tribbett

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“He always said he was ‘dead funny’.”

Tim Tribbett

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“He lived a life of quiet dignity.”

Tim Tribbett

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... and we all know how Jessie was a jokester. and this was one of them!  Jessie!  You can sit up now!

Mike Perry, Eden

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All clowns will have big shoes to fill!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I guess laugher wasn't the best medicine.

Mike Perry, Eden

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This is a time to grieve.  But there is still some hope- they're doing marvelous work in the science of genetic clowning!

Mike Perry, Eden

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We’re here today to laugh at our friend Slappy.

There will be a pie throwing immediately after the service.

Gizmo will be honored with a twenty-one pie salute at the cemetery.

For his last joke, Bobo asked that his body be hidden among you.

Jimbo was a rodeo clown who zigged when he should have zagged.

FYI, Giggles died of makeup poisoning.

Doodles read last week’s Jokes on You and laughed himself to death.

Floppo started out at a J.O.Y. captioner and went downhill from there.

His angry wife told him to stop clowning around, but he just couldn’t do it.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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It was easy to decide how to honor all of them-  one car, one casket!

Mike Perry, Eden

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He left some really big shoes to fill.

It was his decision to be taken off laugh support.

And now for a seven pie salute.

He treasured his time in politics.

David Core, Greensboro

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"He's part of the greatest show in the sky now."

"He cracked himself up."

"May he laugh in peace."

"I'm afraid this is no laughing matter."

Carlos D'Agostino, Greensboro

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“All of those medical problems and it was the balloon that got him!”

“I hate to tell you, this time he is not clowning around!”

“It was an infection from a nose job.”

“He just had one of those faces!”

“Too many cotton candy shots at the new year party!”

“That lead paint will get you every time!”

“He spent Christmas at that great birthday party in the sky!”

“He was one of a kind!”

He  wanted to be buried with his nose on!”

Rusty Morgan, Greensboro

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He was one of the greatest mimes of all time, and we will miss him-  there are just no words.

Mike Perry, Eden

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Is it just me, or does anyone else smell something funny?

Mike Perry, Eden

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we all thought he was just clowning around.

Mitch Poole, Mt. Joliet  TN

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There he goes. That’s Cathy’s clown.

Told him not to go up the escalator with his clown shoes on!

Patsy Sadler, Chino Valley, az

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In a moment please rise so we can give Bobo the 21 squirting flower salute he deserves

This a prime example of its all fun and games til someone gets hurt

RIP - Rusty In Pieces. From now on no one on gets fired from the cannon!

To Sparky, may his nose always honk, may his shoes always be big,and  may his balloon animals never pop. Amen

Mandy Tadder, Flagstaff, AZ

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The interment will be at Twin Oaks cemetery, and you're all invited to ride with me to the gravesite!

Mike Perry, Eden

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They say laughter is the best medicine, but I don't think it applies today!

Mike Perry, Eden

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1. See what happens when you clown around too much.

2. Getting shot out of a cannon was not Bozo’s best idea.

3. I can’t wait to read his will and open the door to his clothes closet.

4. His heart was broken when Ringling Brothers closed up.

5. I’m so glad to see you have worn your finest to this solemn occasion.

Dave Sheets, Greensboro

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1. Getting shot out of a cannon was not one of Bozo’s smartest ideas.

2. See what happens when you clown around too much.

3. I can’t wait to see what’s in his clothes closet.

4. I am glad to see that you wore your finest array to this solemn event.

Dave Sheets, Greensboro

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#1:  "Here we go again!"

#2:  "It's OK, Mary Tyler Moore. Chuckles the Clown would want you to laugh.  So, please, go ahead and laugh!"

#3:  "If Joey Pellino was an honest Reverend, then he wouldn't have stolen my Inside Joke about Frosty the Snowman and Hermey the Elf!"

#4:  "So, what do you think?  If we lift the coffin lid, do we get sprayed with seltzer water?"

#5:  "Wow!  I mean, talk about a buzzkill!"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

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“Maybe It isn’t safe to drive with 20 clowns in a Prius.”

Tim Tribbett

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Is this some kind of joke ?

Welcome to clown college. Some don’t make it

I see everyone got the email on attire

He was such a clown. I expect the lid to fly open anytime

The shot out of the cannon did not go well

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

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“His oversized shoe got stuck on the pedal.”

Tim Tribbett

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“He left some mighty big shoes to fill.”

Tim Tribbett

“Send in the clowns..pallbearers.”

Tim Tribbett

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“No one knows the Bubbles I’ve seen.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Send in the clowns..pallbearers.”

Tim Tribbett

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Time to put the "fun" in funeral.

Thanks to Zippy for the squirting wreath.

David Core, Greensboro

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“I thought the canon was a bad idea.”

“We had to get an extra tall coffin for his shoes.”

“At least he believed in reinclownation.”

“We could have had an open casket but his makeup kept running.”

“A clown using a chainsaw, what a Bozo.”

Phil Valla, Greensboro

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“Throw pies. NEVER fruitcakes.”

Tim Tribbett

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“I hope that lion thought he tasted funny.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Perhaps 30 clowns in a car isn't safe.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Never mess with the strongman’s wife.”

Tim Tribbett

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“He wasn’t just some Bozo.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Sadly no one noticed how pale he was.”

Tim Tribbett

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"Penny was not so Wise in the end"

"He just wouldn't quit clownin' around"

"He always had a way to make people laugh"

"Thank you all for car pooling"

Kristi Wallace, Greensboro

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“He asked to be whip cremated.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Honestly, I’m not sure which one of us this is.”

Tim Tribbett

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“He despaired because of his huge balloon payment.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Don’t use cheap lead based face paint.”

Tim Tribbett

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“May he rest in grease paint.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Some people can’t take a joke.”

Tim Tribbett

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I think he used too much powder in the canon.

I don’t know how many are in the casket. Probably more than we could get in that little car.

I’m afraid Fred is not clowning around this time.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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THIS WEEK’S JOY “WALKS INTO A BAR” (and other) JOKES

Two cannibals walk into a bar and sit beside this clown.

The first cannibal wacks the clown on the head and they both start eating the clown.

Suddenly the second cannibal looks up and says, "Hey, do you taste something funny?"

Mike Perry, Eden

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862 clowns walked into a bar!

Mike Perry, Eden

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A clown walks into a bar and orders a beer.  The bartender notices the clown is only dressed in costume and makeup on one side of his body.  The other side of his body looks like a regular guy.  When the bartender asked why he’s dressed like that, the clown replies, “I’m semi-retired and only work part time.”

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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BEST POEMS

Bon Voyage, Bozo!

A well-known clown just recently expired;

he was voted best-in-class ere he retired.

His zany antics won him popular acclaim;

millions of children adore his goofy name.

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Many fellow clowns are assembled here,

contemplating this casket up on the bier.

They have come to honor the one inside;

a clown whose reputation was bona fide.

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Their demeanor isn't somber, only sunny;

he'd expect them to be steadfastly funny.

They honor his wishes, forsaking frowns;

one yells at the casket: 'Get out of town!'.

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Hoots ring out from the rest of the band;

the speaker sees things are out of hand.

Sensing it's time to calm everyone down,

he barks, 'Knock it off you rowdy clowns!'.

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They then ameliorate their offending sin;

it gets so quiet people can hear that pin.

From inside the casket comes a chuckle;

the speaker sways, both knees buckled.

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Panic reigns, the crowd wildly disperses,

moving quicker than ER doctors/nurses.

Bozo's  legacy of mayhem and disorder

is a post-mortem yuk on a tape recorder.

Bill Wallace

 

Three-Ring Circus

Here lies the result of a huge misunderstanding;

this clown suffered from extremely bad planning.

He harbored a desire to be the circus superstar;

got carried away and took matters a little too far.

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He drove the clown-car as though racing at Indy;

mowed down the ring-master and acrobat Cindy.

Careened wildly, plowing into the big cats' cage,

causing Harvey the lion to explode in killer rage.

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He used his front paws as a knife and shredder,

mauling poor Bozo like he was opening a letter.

Looking like a victim from a chainsaw massacre,

Bozo managed to escape, ran faster and faster.

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Climbed a tall ladder ending up at the high-wire,

then he suddenly noticed his pants were on fire.

Shutting his eyes, he plunged down into the net;

it was heart-stopping, but he wasn't finished yet.

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Bouncing off on the ground, he stuck to a wheel;

he wasn't concerned and mouthed 'No big deal'.

Until the knife-thrower let loose a tumbling dart;

that's when superstar Bozo began to lose heart.

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The knife sped the distance to his beating chest;

he greatly regretted not having an armored vest.

Just as he lost hope, feeling a close death-knell,

the blade was turned by the squirter on his lapel.

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A dose of euphoria filled his pain-addled cranium;

he had just been rescued by his stupid geranium.

Just when he felt this crisis had been put to bed,

along came the elephant, trampling on his head.

Bill Wallace

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Buster wanted to be a clown,

To lift up folks when they were down.

      So he painted on a ridiculous grin,

      From his floppy ears to his pointy chin,

And became the funniest dog in the pound.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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It brings you down

when you got to the funeral of a clown

But it makes you smile

When they carry the casket on top of a little car

filled with other clowns going the last mile.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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When you go to a funeral it’s all you can  bear

But when it’s clowns, it brings a little smile

As you watch them go the last mile.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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At a funeral for a clown

they had one speaking and some sitting upside down

and no one else was to be found.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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"On this day, we bid Giggles goodbye.

It's a shame we're all destined to die.

       As we're leaving this place

       Let's remember his face

Getting hit with a shaving-cream pie."

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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BEST INSIDE JOKE

It may be a little cold in here, the snowmen had this room yesterday.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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Doodles read last week’s Jokes on You and laughed himself to death.

Floppo started out at a J.O.Y. captioner and went downhill from there.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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"If Joey Pellino was an honest Reverend, then he wouldn't have stolen my Inside Joke about Frosty the Snowman and Hermey the Elf!"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

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BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE

"His wife Kathy appreciates your attendance today."

Bill Wallace

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Today we say goodbye to Bozo, Chuckles, Binky, Zippy, Bingo, Giggles and Clarabelle.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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In Memorium

"Chuckles the Clown passed today.  He went to a parade dressed like a peanut

and an elephant tried to shell him!  I shall always remember his voice, when faced with

adversity, he would say "A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants!"

We will never forget you, Chuckles!"

Thanx to  The Mary Tyler Moore Show

PS- if you haven't seen his eulogy, Google it on You Tube.

Mike Perry, Eden

One of the all-time classic TV episodes (Along with the turkey episode of WKRP)

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"It's OK, Mary Tyler Moore. Chuckles the Clown would want you to laugh.  So, please, go ahead and laugh!".

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

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BEST/WORST PUNS

I remember once when he opened a door for me.  And I said to myself "Now that's a nice jester!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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Yes, it's true.  The hearse is a Clown Victoria.

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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It was his decision to be taken off laugh support.

David Core, Greensboro

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“At least he believed in reinclownation.”

Phil Valla, Greensboro

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BEST EARWORMS

There he goes.   That’s Cathy’s clown.

Patsy Sadler, Chino Valley, az

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