jou_bug-party_puzzle-pieces_080318

Send your entries to jokesonyou@greensboro.com by noon Wednesday, 080818

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Welcome to the News & Record’s “Jokes on You” page. Here is this week’s cartoon for your caption consideration, and last week’s cartoon and entries for you amusement (see below). Feel free to post comments and ask questions.

And as always, please, no wagering.

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Please remember to put your name on your entry! (If you’re a junior --- age 13 and under --- also remember to include your school or age.)

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A FAVOR …

Due to an “upgrade” (why are they even called that?) to our email system, I’ll have to ask everyone who sends by email to make sure your text is formatted as “plain text,” as opposed to HTML text or Rich text.

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Next cartoon: Last week’s cartoon was the puzzle pieces. Next week’s cartoon - the one you’ll be writing captions for – is the insects at a cocktail party .

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WINNER

“Wonder where we fit in to the big picture.”

Judy Crotchett

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RUNNERS-UP

“Why the puzzled look?”

Larry Kirwan, Greensboro

David Core, Greensboro

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“We’re just not cut out for each other.”

Bill Wallace

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“Wanna drive them crazy? Meet me under the couch.”

Tennie Skladanowski, Greensboro

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“I’m not sure we’re a good fit.”

Kay Jones

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“I lost my wife in the Great Yardsale of ‘09.”

Stephen Botts

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“Look, you really need to try and fit in.”

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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“I’m one in a thousand.”

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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“Hey, Baby. I like your shape.”

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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“I live life on the edge!”

Rusty Morgan, Greensboro

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“Get your money back from that dating site.”

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

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HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)

“I’m waiting for someone to put me in my place.”

Bill Wallace

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“Do you ever feel like something’s missing?”

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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“But the dating site reported we are a perfect fit.”

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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“Let’s invite the rest of the gang over for a get- together!”

Mike Perry, Eden

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“They put me in the wrong box. I shouldn’t even be here."

Mitch Poole, Mt. Juliet, TN

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“Your dating profile said you were a blue edge piece.”

Tim Tribbett

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TIM’S PICK(S) My picks don’t mean what should have won, or gotten a runner-up, it’s just to spotlight what I think are good but over-looked captions.

This one made me laugh. It was a bit mature for print, but …

"The doc says It hasn't descended yet."

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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THE REST

“I’m not sure we’re a good fit”

Kay Jones

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I am feeling very blue about fitting in!

Teresa Bean, Greensboro

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“I am sorry, but we are not compatible”

“Our parts do not fit”

“Did you lose part of your head?”

Rick O’Reilly, Greensboro

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"Why the puzzled look?"

Larry Kirwan, Greensboro

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1. I'm puzzled how you think we are a fit.

2. We are not a fit. The jig's up.

3. But the dating site reported we are a perfect fit.

4. What do you mean, "I'm puzzled?"

5. I'll meet you under the card table at 10 pm.

6.  Hey, Baby. I like your shape.

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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“You complete me.”

Tim Tribbett

“I’m puzzled.”

Rim Tribbett

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“He’s really edgy .”

Tim Tribbett

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We're not a good fit.

Meet me at the corner.

Why the puzzled look?

David Core, Greensboro

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6. Hey Baby, let's head for the border.

7. When I saw you across the card table, I knew we were a fit.

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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We can work it out.

Stop playing games with me.

Last month a Rubik's cube, now this.

You wanna piece of me buddy?

David Core, Greensboro

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Let's face it- we just don't match!

Lynda Perry, Eden

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"It's like holding hands forever!"

Mike Oakley, Greensboro

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Don’t you think we have the most puzzling connection

Wonder where we fit in to the big picture

Judy Crotchett

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1. You are very puzzling.

2. I am puzzled by the hole in your head.

3. I am a piece of the sky, what’s your gig?

4. I don’t think we’d be a good fit.

5. It’s fitting that we have met  this way.

Dave Sheets, Greensboro

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You look puzzled.

You are not a good fit for me.

David Bartage, Summerfield

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"I'm not getting the picture here."

"I don't think we'd be a good fit."

"I'm not sure where I fit in here."

"We're like a Rubik's cube that exploded."

"I'm sky or water. I think you're banana or lemon."

"We're just not cut out for each other."

"We are both WAY out of shape!"

"I intend to just melt into the background."

"It's only natural for us to look puzzled."

"We need to look at the big picture."

"We're doomed - they lost the box-top."

"Let's not force ourselves on each other."

"This guy has ADD, so we'll never get together!"

"A lemon floating on the ocean?"

"Let's get together and solve this."

"I've always felt I'm part of a bigger picture."

"Fidget spinners are making us obsolete."

"I'm waiting for someone to put me in my place."

Bill Wallace

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 “You don’t fit in here.”

“You’re a misfit.”

“I don’t think you see the whole picture.”

 Jim Ertner, Greensboro

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"I'm sorry, but I just don't think we'll be a good fit."

Cindy Argiento, Greensboro

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 “I live life on the edge!”

Rusty Morgan, Greensboro

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I dated a girl once, she even wanted to marry. But I like living on the edge too much!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Let's invite the rest of the gang over for a get-together!

Please come back!  We're incomplete without you!

Don't worry, I think you'll fit in quite nicely!

Mike Perry, Eden

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"I can't wait to find out how we fit in here."

"Like snowflakes, no two of us are the same."

"This is how Ikea got the idea for their furniture."

"In the end, it's kind of like a class picture."

"We're like Scrabble for people who can't spell."

"Once it's solved, we'll end up in a yard sale."

"This guy should stick to crossword puzzles."

"Did he wash his hands after the bathroom trip?"

"He's hopeless - he's looking at the box-top upside down."

"Tic-Tac-Toe is above this guy's pay-grade."

Bill Wallace

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I just don't fit in!

No, I don't know the meaning of life.  I guess it's just a puzzle to all of us!

I know just how hard it is to fit in!

I'm lost too!

If we walk through that door, it's over.  Can't we just start over?

We were made for each other!

Mike Perry, Eden

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"Too bad he can't stop and ask for directions."

"He must have slept through kindergarten."

"He's yelling words you can't use in Scrabble."

"He should have started with the beginner series."

"If his brain was a transmission, it'd be stuck in Park."

"When it all comes together, it's as pretty as a picture!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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You're not a good fit for me!

I love you to pieces!

It will never work.  We don't match1

Friends- yes.  A match- no!

Lynda Perry, Eden

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"You look a little puzzled."

Luther Jackson, Stoneville

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"Sand and water can be close."

"I'm Skyler Waters. Are you Sandy Beach?"

"So you're not from around these parts?"

John Koppel, Greensboro

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I never seem to fit in.

Keith Peddie, Greensboro

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Let's face it.  I just don't fit in.

Hi.  I'm the famous missing piece.

Psssst.  I'm from a different puzzle.

Just like grade school.  I'm the last piece picked.

Why am I always the last piece picked?

I can change my shape. 

My girlfriend says I'm out of shape.

I started working out, now I don't fit.

We never get to see the big picture.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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"Did you know your heads all sunk in? Just checking."

David D. Winston-Salem

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"Sometimes I feel like our purpose in life is just a big puzzle."

David D. Winston-Salem

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Wanna get together?

If it doesn't fit you must acquit.

I can never figure you out.

I'm drawn to you.

You gotta look at the big picture.

Care to join me?

I hate this on again/off again relationship.

So now what?

Pat Foley, Homer Glen, ILl.

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"Is a puzzlement!" Mr. Brynner exclaimed!

Mike Perry, Eden

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 Ever since I left, my owner quit his job, sold his house and lives in boxes over on 3rd and Main!

I try and I try, but I can't seem to fit in!

Are you lost, too?

May I join you?

You're the final piece of the puzzle?  Well, Mr.Holmes has been looking for you!

Mike Perry, Eden

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 “What fun! With us hiding, he’ll never finish that puzzle!”

 Julian Busby, M.D. High Point

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Please come back!  Ever since you left us, there's a hole in our heart!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Sorry,  I don't think we're a good fit.

Debbi LaRue

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"I just can't see us together in the big picture."

"We're just pieces of a different color."

"So who's your daddy ?"

"I'm always falling to pieces, too."

"I guess we're just two in a thousand pieces."

"It's obvious we don't belong together."

"I've been thinking outside the box, too."

"One of us must be adopted."

"I can't picture us together."

"We're just not cut out to be together."

"Life is puzzling, isn't it?"

"I've been living under the dining room table."

"You don't think we belong together, do you?"

"I'm looking for a place to belong, too."

"There's a place for us somewhere...."

"Life's one big puzzle and we have to find our place in it."

"At least nobody can take our places."

"I just hope they put my picture on a milk carton."

"Have you been placed in the Lost & Found column?"

"I'm just hoping the dog doesn't find me."

Debra Watson, Eden

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"I don't think we're a fit.

Luther Jackson, Stoneville

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"You were cut out for this project."

Luther Jackson, Stoneville

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Yes I’m blue because I don’t fit in.

Yes I’m very edgy.

What do mean,’highbrow’?

Keith Peddie, Greensboro          

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Hey!  Why don't you join me and the rest of the gang for a little get-together tonight?

Mike Perry, Eden

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#1: "Let's go AWOL and become the missing pieces to the puzzle!"

#2: "Sorry, but you and I just don't seem to be the right fit for one another!"

#3: "So, how's our date going so far?"

#4: "Hey!  Watch where you point that thing!"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

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I like to hook up, but that's not the whole picture.

We're just not meant to be.

I'm looking for someone with their head in the sky.

Join my LinkedIn network.

We both have a place in this grand tapestry.

I always come out on top.

We don't have enough in common to make it work.

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro 

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You look puzzled!

Marilyn Riffle, Gibsonville

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"Don't feel bad; everyone is different."

Luther Jackson, Stoneville

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"We're going to be in the movie 'Two Uneasy Pieces'."

"How long are we  going to hold out for a raise?"

"It would boost my confidence if he weren't color-blind."

"A thousand pieces and he's stumped on the last two?"

"Would it offend him if he just showed him where we go?"

Bill Wallace

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"They found me under the couch. What's your story?"

Jonathan Sparrow, Greensboro

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All I am saying is give piece a chance.

I'm sorry - I just don't think I'd be a good fit.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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"I have been turned every which way but loose."

Luther Jackson, Stoneville

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Peace, piece!

Mike Perry, Eden

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How’s our date going so far?

Are you yellow ?

Let’s face it. We don’t fit

A little Grey Poupon will help

Turn, turn, turn

Square peg, round hole

Are you upset because Tim changed the deadline to Tuesday last week ?

Are you lost ?

Where’s the other 498 ?

Don’t even think about it

It is what it is

You’re in pretty good shape for the shape you are in

You’re perfect. Now change

Little Timmy said he’s gonna make it fit

Let’s not force the issue

We could try, but it’s gonna hurt

A nip here, a tuck there

Something is missing

I need someone who is more compatible

Get your money back from that dating site

This will never work. Trust me

Have you tried that Grey Poupon diet ?

Slather Grey Poupon and give it a try

I’m puzzled

You’re anemic. Try Grey Poupon

Is this some kind of joke ?

You’d be blue too if you didn’t fit in

I’m Sky. Are you Desert ?

Been in the tanning booth ?

Tim said Wednesday, but that might mean Tuesday

If we don’t fit we must conflict

Mama said there’d be days like this

Which way to the puzzle table ?

Are you a misfit too ?

Let’s table this

At least I don’t have a hole in my head

Don’t get bent out of shape

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

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You're lost?  So am I!!

Mike Perry, Eden

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You do?  Me too!  I walk around feeling that my life is woefully incomplete!

Mike Perry, Eden

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You want to put that where!

Jim Buchanan

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I'm one in a thousand.

I quit.

Mom said I have a twin brother.

My dad got ate by the dog.

I wish I had been born a corner piece.

I from a really large family and we're very close knit.

For once I'd like to see the big picture.

The jokes on them.  I've gained weight.

You want a real puzzle.  Try figuring out where Rickard comes up with all these weird cartoons.

Rickard drew me as part of a Mr. Potato Head puzzle, so I quit.

How this Grey Poupon theme has gone on so long is the real puzzle.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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"Would it offend him if we just showed him where we go?"

"He'd be better off trying one of those paint-by-number things."

"Drawing him a picture didn't even help."

"He needs the version with printed directions."

"Are you surprised? His social security number stumps him."

Bill Wallace

"They put me in the wrong box. I shouldn’t even be here."

"One time I laid on a table for 2 weeks before I was even touched."

"You have always been a puzzle to me"

"You will always be a puzzle to me."

"Have you ever been forced, you know, into a bad fit?"

"Are you male, female, or both?'

"Wow, you really are a great piece!"

"You’re the best piece I’ve seen in a long time."

"Hey babe, wanna see if we fit tonight?"

Mitch Poole, Mt. Juliet, TN

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"We just don't fit together."

"I want to be the missing piece this time."

Mandy Tadder, Flagstaff, AZ

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"If you see my twin, just in reverse, give me a holler."

"Wouldn’t it be funny if all the other pieces are just plain blue or yellow?" 

"So, do you think you can scoot right over the edge and hide under the rug ?"

"You want to put your outie into my innie to see if it fits?!! ....like I’ve never heard that before!"

Patsy Sadler, Chino Valley, AZ

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"Did your piercing get pulled out?"

"The doc says It hasn't descended yet."

"All they told me was that I'm part of the sky, and you're a chicken!!"

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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"The whole procedure is puzzling."

Luther Jackson, Stoneville

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I can't live without you.  I'm going to commit Sudoku!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I can't help but think that all this is a part of some grand design!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I have a huge family.

I lost my wife in the Great Yardsale of ‘09.

Stephen Botts

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“It looks like we cannot hook up”

Ruth Petty, Greensboro

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“Try to think outside the box.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Your dating profile said you were a blue edge piece.”

Tim Tribbett

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“You’re groovy.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Wait here. I’ll go look at the box.”

Tim Tribbett

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“She completes me.”

Tim Tribbett

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“But I identify as a yellow edge piece.”

Tim Tribbett

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“He lives life on the edge.”

Tim Tribbett

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You left & it hit me- why hang around? A puzzle without 2 is the same as a puzzle without 1!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Talk about opposites attracting!

Arista Shelton, Greensboro

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I don't think we should try to hook up.

David Shelton, Greensboro

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 “Imagine! One day we will be a part of a bigger picture!”

Andee Gable, Greensboro

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Sorry, you're just not my type

Rahul Jakati, Kernersville

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"I  Complete YOU??"

"I  Complete YOU??  I don't get it."

"Are you as lost as I am?"

"Do you ever feel like you're a part of something bigger than yourself?"

"Do you ever feel like you're a part of something greater than yourself?"

"Do you ever feel like something's missing?"

"Do you ever feel adopted?"

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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"Look, you really need to try and fit in."

"If you ever want to make something of yourself, you really need to learn to fit in."

"I put posters of him everywhere I could think of, saying 'MISSING'."

"I put out 'MISSING' posters.... what else can we do?"

"Hey!  Haven't I seen your picture on a carton of milk, under the word 'MISSING'?"

"Some days, when almost all of us are together, I try to hide in the couch."

"On the day's she's late for work, I try to hide in the sofa."

"So what you're saying is that when you're in a crowd you feel trapped."

"Do you ever feel like you don't really fit in?"

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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"Since there are only two more open spots, you'd think they would figure it out pretty quickly. Duh!"

"Gosh, with only 2 open spots, you'd think they'd get it pretty quickly, wouldn't you?"

"Well DUH! There's only two more open spots. How hard can it be??"

Patsy Sadler, Chino Valley, AZ

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 “You hide under the sofa until they start crying.”

Tim Tribbett

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“The sky is my limit.”

Tim Tribbett

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“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.”

“You’re easy to locate.”

“Aren’t you chipper this morning.”

“At least you’re not a smelly cheese.”

Phil Valla, Greensboro

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“She needs to pick up the pieces.”

Tim Tribbett

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1)  "Look at it this way:  you'll always be a notch above the rest of us."

2)  "C'mon, brainless, it's not rocket science!"

Larry Parrish, Piety Hill

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Are you lost?

Regina Williams, High Point

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" I doubt you will ever fit in."

Steve Styers,  Greensboro.

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Let someone know when you go walking.  There's 5000 of us out looking for you!

I found you using your a cell phone tracking app!

I feel like Sheldon when I'm surrounded all the time!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I always feel like I'm Greta Garbo in a crowded elevator-  "I vant to be alone!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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You can't rely on Jigsaw Puzzles- they always go to pieces!

I just don't seem to fit in!

Mike Perry, Eden

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"Wanna drive them crazy? Meet me under the couch."

Tennie Skladanowski, Greensboro

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I don’t think we make a good match.

We are just so wrong for each other.

Joey Pellinio, Reidsville

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BEST POEMS

To this trick, many people are treated.

These folks do not like feeling defeated.

     There are those who will say

     It's a game puzzles play:

Pieces hide so it won't get completed.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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Game plan

Hoping to become a part of the big picture,

these puzzle pieces have plans for the future.

They're cut out for this type of leisurely game;

their goal is to drive some poor sucker insane.

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You have to admit, they look innocent enough;

looks can be deceiving, these cookies are tough.

Their manner and color are really kind of bland;

that's what pulls you in, then it gets out of hand.

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Even with a picture to keep you right on track,

you start out in the light, then night turns black.

The hands on the clock move around the dial;

you fuss and fume, but the pieces just smile.

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They know their place, it's yours to figure out;

you could end up a hero or maybe a raving lout.

Be forewarned and ready for the consequences;

you could strike out swinging for these fences.

Bill Wallace

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Pick Up the Pieces

Here's a little something from Milton-Bradley;

it can make you feel smart or make you talk badly.

Comes in a box, even has a picture on the lid;

if you never figure it out, just say that you did.

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These are made for those with time on their hands;

it helps to have a table or at least a sturdy stand.

Settle into a chair or perch upon your favorite stool;

odds are within the hour you'll feel just like a fool.

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If you solve it, you can say you passed the test;

if you end up stumped, just say you did your best.

To increase your chances, you should avoid alcohol;

drink some water, soda, tea, or else nothing at all.

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Remember it's a game, a simple measure of one's skill;

don't lose your cool and go looking for something to kill.

It's all too easy to become flummoxed and bumfuzzled

dealing with a device of torture called a jigsaw puzzle.

Bill Wallace

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Pieces of a puzzle are sometimes hard to find.

I know, because I can’t find half of mine.

But when it’s finished and completely done

It’s still a whole lot of fun.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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THIS WEEK’S JOY “WALKS INTO A BAR” JOKES

3 blondes walk into a bar yelling "61 days! 61 days" The barkeep asks them "Why are you yelling "61 days?"  And the blondes answered "Because the puzzle box said 3 to 5 years"

Mike Perry, Eden

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Two connected puzzle pieces in the middle of a heated argument walk into a bar.  They order beer and continue to argue the whole evening.  Finally the bartender asks them if they're married.  One piece says," Yeah you could say that."  The bartender then says," Well you two don't seem to get along at all, so why stay married?"  The other puzzle piece says," We have no choice. We're part of a church puzzle.  So it's what man has pounded together let no one pull asunder."

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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BEST INSIDE JOKE

"So, how's our date going so far?"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

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How’s our date going so far?

Slather Grey Poupon and give it a try

A little Grey Poupon will help.

Have you tried that Grey Poupon diet?

You’re anemic. Try Grey Poupon.

Are you upset because Tim changed the deadline to Tuesday last week?

Tim said Wednesday, but that might mean Tuesday.

Unless it’s a Sunday, which would move the changed Wednesday deadline from Tuesday to Monday. Understand?

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

You want a real puzzle.  Try figuring out where Rickard comes up with all these weird cartoons.

Rickard drew me as part of a Mr. Potato Head puzzle, so I quit.

How this Grey Poupon theme has gone on so long is the real puzzle.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE

"Is a puzzlement!" Mr. Brynner exclaimed!

Mike Perry, Eden

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"We're going to be in the movie 'Two Uneasy Pieces'."

Bill Wallace

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I always feel like I'm Greta Garbo in a crowded elevator- "I vant to be alone!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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BEST/WORST PUNS

None? Hmm.

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BEST EARWORMS

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.”

Phil Valla, Greensboro

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