jou_air-dancer-bus.meeting_baby-pics_021420

Send your entries to jokesonyou@greensboro.com by noon Wednesday, February 19

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Welcome to the News & Record’s “Jokes on You” page. Here is this week’s cartoon for your caption consideration, and last week’s cartoon and entries for you amusement (see below). Feel free to post comments and ask questions.

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And as always, please, no wagering.

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Please remember to put your name on your entry! (If you’re a junior --- age 13 and under --- also remember to include your school or age.)

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Last week’s cartoon was Parents taking pics/videos on their phones of their children. Next week’s cartoon - the one you’ll be writing captions for is – air dancer at a business meeting.

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WINNER

“Ugh! The pressure’s on to do something cute.”

Arlene Dolin Greensboro

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RUNNERS-UP

“Don’t do anything you’ll regret seeing at your wedding.”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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“By the time they figure it out, we’ll be teenagers.”

Bill Wallace

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“Doesn’t look like we’re getting fed anytime soon.”

Phil Valla, Greensboro

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“I think they are going to stay there until we do something cute.”

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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“You’re on. Ten bucks says they accidentally take selfies.”

Brady Rosenbluth, Greensboro

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“It’s kind cool to have our own paparazzi!”

Mike Perry, Eden

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“And they took away our pacifiers!”

Rusty Morgan, Greensboro

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“They hold their phones more than us.”

Andrew Evans

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HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)

“When you are finished, could you guys format our diapers?”

Mike Webb, Wake Forest

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“Let’s go to Grampa’s, he doesn’t know how to work a smartphone.”

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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“They’re cute when they play with their toys.”

Debra Watson, Eden

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TIM’S PICK(S) My picks don’t necessarily mean what should have won, or gotten a runner-up, it’s just to spotlight what I think are good but over-looked captions.

“I’ll get their attention when the strained peas kick in.”

Tim Tribbett

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BEAT THE CARTOONIST

Sometimes, I come up with a caption no one else does. When that happens, I’ll post it here.

I know we’re cute, but are we Youtube cute?

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THE REST

“Wonder is they expect us to walk the red carpet!”

Teresa Bean, Greensboro

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Don't do anything you'll regret seeing at your wedding

Since they're distracted, let's work on our mural in the hall.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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“Hey ... you missed my first steps.”

Tim Tribbett

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"They still have the rotary-dial mentality."

"Lifeline? They need a landline."

"By the time they figure it out, we'll be teen-agers."

"They still think a menu is about food."

"Should we offer to help them?"

"Their look of confusion is so cute!"

"That adage about old dogs/new tricks makes sense now."

"Having trouble with the security PIN isn't a good sign."

Bill Wallace

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“Yesterday she asked Alexa to change me.”

Tim Tribbett

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“These are my ‘virtual’ parents.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Change your Facebook status to ‘detached’.”

Tim Tribbett

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“I’ll get their attention when the strained peas kick in.”

Tim Tribbett

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I knew we shouldn't have made such a fuss over "Baby Shark."

Don't worry - there's no "Baby-Talk" language in their translate app.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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"This means they'll never know what we're up to."

"I think we have leverage for huge allowances down the road."

"For one thing, the phones are upside-down."

"They're trying to find the Old-Folks app."

"What did you expect - they grew up with Pac-Man."

Bill Wallace

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1. Trust me they will use this against you one day.

2. Just smile and look cute!

3. Hang on they’ll have 30 more photos to take.

4. This will be the first of many my friend the first of many!

5. Would this be a bad time to spit up?

6. Wait till they shoot the bathroom photos.

Tony Bean, Danbury

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They've been that way since they put those sensors in our diapers.

All that to find the best price for Grey Poupon?

Mommy likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain?

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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Oh yeah!  They're trained.  They just don't know I!

It's just weird.   They go "iggy gobby fubble gooky" and make all kinds of weird faces.

It's amazing how they take videos of everything.  And I MEAN EVERYTHING!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Iddy gaga poo poo?  I wish they would act their age!

Mike Perry, eden

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If we didn't talk gibberish, we'd never get any privacy with all these cameras and monitors all over the place!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I said "hieroglyphics" by mistake.  Now they think I'm some kind of weird genius!

Mike Perry, Eden

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We don't know many words, but when we say one they go ape!

Mike Perry, Eden

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They're not taking videos.  they're checking their babble-to-English dictionary!

Mike Perry, Eden

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They think we were talking about the Goo Goo Dolls!  I figure- don't spoil their moment!

Mike Perry, Eden

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They always try to get us to talk.  I wouldn't be surprised if the next step involves sodium pentothal!

Mike Perry, Eden

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You couldn't play it safe with "goo goo."  You had to go with "Google!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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You want to freak them out?  Then say with me "google google, twitter twitter!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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They're looking for 'sound bytes!'

Mike Perry, Eden

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“As far as parenting they’re just phoning it in.”

Tim Tribbett

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“I have to make a phone sound to get their attention.”

Tim Tribbett

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“An app tells them when I need changing.”

Tim Tribbett

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Should we help them or let them keep blundering?

Watching them fumble makes me shutter.

When I said, "Scroll," they started searching for parchment.

When I told them to cut and paste, she asked me for my scissors.

I told them they needed to charge, but they insisted they'd paid cash!

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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“When you are finished could you guys format our diapers?”

“The more they take, the more those pictures are going to stink!”

“Just between you and me. Who wants to look at a bunch of crappy baby pictures?”

Mike Webb, Wake Forest

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OK! 5 more minutes.  If they're not through, we proceed with Operation Dirty Diaper!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Why don't we sit down and let the kids take the picture.

Why is my face showing in the kids picture?

I can't hold this position forever!!

A goo goo here, a little spittle there, maybe a dah dah and boom! they're eating out of your hand!

Don't tell them, but they both have their finger over the camera!

Mike Perry, Eden

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"It's the sequel to 'Deliverance' - Dueling Dumbos."

"Wait until the flash goes off in their eyes."

"Pity whoever's at the help-desk on the other end."

"Your parents are as dumb as mine."

"I think this what's called a race to the bottom."

"They're trying to tweet by Googling birds."

"This is more fun than watching the Amish try to drive a car!"

"What a waste of broad-band!"

"They might as well be Indians sending smoke signals."

"They still think of Amazon as being just a river."

Bill Wallace

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You don't understand us, but do talk. But we've got another surprise for you and any second you'll realize what it is.

Mike Perry, Eden

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Yeah-we do mess our britches a lot.   But good news- I'm down to 2 packs a day!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Why does their voice go up when they want us to do something?

Mike Perry, Eden

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"Can we say cheese instead of trust fund?"

Jonathan Sparrow, Greensboro

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1)  3-2-1...CHEESE smell in my diaper

2) We'll never see any of these pictures

3) Ok, on the count of three, both of you push red button

4) Can't you text each other later?

5) You're on, ten bucks says they accidental take selfies

6) We want to order dinner, can I have my phone back?

Brady Rosenbluth, Greensboro

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"I think this is what's called a race to the bottom."

"5G service is 4 more than they can handle."

"We could intervene, but let's wait until they're ready to pay for it."

Bill Wallace

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Uggh! The pressure’s on to do something cute.”

Arlene Dolin Greensboro

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I see our lives flashing before their eyes.

If these videos go into syndication we want a cut.

I’m getting an agent.

Whatever you do don’t act natural.

Mom and Dad, we’re not your real children.

Let’s go to Grampa’s, he doesn’t know how to work a smartphone.

Shouldn’t we be wearing makeup?

You know they’re going use these videos to blackmail us when we’re teenagers.

Shhh.  Don’t say anything without a lawyer.

Look happy sis.  Maybe they’ll take us to Chuck E. Cheese.

If you follow me into the bathroom, I’m going to throw a fit.

I hope you don’t put those dialog bubbles over our heads.

If you video another diaper changing, I suing you both for invasion of privacy.

How can we work without a script?

We’re not doing anymore cute stuff without a contract.

For a couple of juice boxes we can act really adorable.

We can’t work in this environment.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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Enough with the pics.  What I want is a change and a cup o' moo!

Mike Perry, Eden

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We have a 1000 word vocabulary, but it's so much fun making them look like idiots!

Mike Perry, Eden

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They're all freaked out.   Why'd you say "Trump?"

Mike Perry, Eden

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I agree.  We can't really talk.  It's more like sound bytes!

Mike Perry, Eden

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They thought I said Google, but it was really just goo goo!

Mike Perry, Eden

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They've been this way for hours.   All I said was "gimme I-pod!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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They'd go crazy if they knew we've been blogging for 2 weeks!

Mike Perry, Eden

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It's kind cool to have our own paparazzi!

Mike Perry, Eden

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You think they're bad now?  Just wait until we can walk the walk and talk the talk!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Is it your turn or my turn to spit up>

Mike Perry, Eden

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"So much for a Kodak moment...."

"We can't sit here all day, you know."

"Maybe if we meow they'll look at us."

"Okay, boomers, need me to show you how to take pictures ?"

"Can't those emails wait ?"

"I'll show those boomers how to take a picture."

"We'll be old and gray before they take this picture."

"You start screaming and I'll join in."

"Okay, already, let's get Facebook updated."

"I can't hold this pose any longer !"

"Let's take turns smiling."

"They're cute when they play with their toys."

"Okay, I'm counting to three."

"I miss the days of the flash camera."

Debra Watson, Eden

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It's a never ending cycle.  The more you go "goo goo," the more they go "gaw gaw!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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1. He’s taking pictures. She’s asking google how to grow baby hair.

2. They’re checking the family trees to see who had the bald relatives.

Dave Sheets, Greensboro

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We should give the kids the phones. They'll know more than we do.

Where's the flashbulb on this thing?

They are just taking selfies and posting them! LCOIAH! (LETS CRAWL OFF IN  A Huff!)

Mandy Tadder, Flagstaff,AZ

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Do you think either of them know how to work a smart phone?

Should we tell them that they are holding them upside down.

They are holding those upside down. Do you think we were adopted?

Mitch Poole, Mt. Juliet, TN

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"And they say us kids are always on our phones."

Randy Thrasher, Durham

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“One more picture and those two are headed for time-out.”

Anne Baker, Greensboro

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“I’ve never seen their whole faces.”

Tim Tribbett

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We need to get them that babble to English dictionary!

Mom's taking pictures, but dad's playing Candy Crush!

Mike Perry Eden

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#1:    "Have you spoken to my agent?"

#2:    "Who are you guys, and what are you doing in my house?"

#3:    "If I'd known we'd be this popular, I would have sold tickets!"

#4:    "OK.  Here is the moment you've been waiting for, my first words.  'Crash the internet, Daddy!'"

#5:    "Where's Grandma?  I want to be spoiled!"

#6:    "Now, I know you're up to something.  I mean, do you think I was born yesterday?"

#7:    "Oh, stop being such a cry baby!"

#8:    "E = mc squared!"

#9:    "Everything's relative!"

#10:    "Obviously, I'm Tim's favorite, since he gave me the speaking role!"

#11:    "Everybody else just has a cameo!"  

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

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Did you hear what they said about buying a small lizard?  Yeah, something about a baby monitor!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Can you two put those down and get us some Grey Poupon ?

Don’t you have some good books to read ?

Need any help with those ?

Can we have those back ?

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

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Had enough?  Me too!  From 3....2...1-   "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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“They’re reading the bad review I gave them on YELP.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Maybe If we get in the peripheral vision.”

Tim Tribbett

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“You shouldn’t let a phone be your parentsitter.”

Tim Tribbett

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“They missed my first, second and hundredth words.”

Tim Tribbett

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“I put my first words in a text.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Yesterday she spoon fed the dog my strained peas.”

Tim Tribbett

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“You have to make a ringtone noise to get attention.”

Tim Tribbett

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“You need me to show you how to work those things?”

“Do I look fat in these diapers?”

“They’re posting pics of brooms standing on end.” 

“Doesn’t look like we’re getting fed anytime soon.”

Phil Valla, Greensboro

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“They’re virtual reality parents.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Mom and Dad? I call them Apple and Samsung.”

Tim Tribbett

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“I call them ‘Android parents’.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Diaper change? There's a crapp for that!”

Rim Tribbett

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I don't know.  But if I had to guess, it would be some kind of adult pacifier!

Mike Perry, Eden

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“They obviously never read my terms and conditions.”

Tim Tribbett

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"I thought we were their little bundles of joy?"

"Those phones are so old school!"

"Can you believe they can't figure out how to hang our pictures?"

"And they took away our pacifiers!"

"They will never figure out how to remove the parental locks we put on their phones."

Rusty Morgan, Greensboro

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“They’re adult pacifiers.“

Tim Tribbett

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“I sent them a tantrum emoji.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Wanna see an adult tantrum? Drop one in the toilet.”

Tim Tribbett

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“They took a screenshot of my first text.”

Tim Tribbett

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"I don't know about mom, but I'm pretty sure that dad is holding an Etch-a-sketch."

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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"I don't think we have to look cute yet;  they both seem to be reading instructions."

"This is creepy. Why aren't they saying anything?"

"Do you think that those things hypnotized them??"

"I've seen these things in daycare; the less we move, the quicker they'll go away."

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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"We'll add pants with photoshop"

"I feel bad deleting the rejects"

"The 'cloud' is going to rain pictures if we save anymore"

"These should delay your mother visiting by at least a week"

"Their generation is phone-obsessed"

"They hold their phones more than us"

Andrew Evans

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"Do you think they're trying to remember who we are?"

"Do you think nets will spring out of those things?"

"Let's blow their minds and start singing!"

"Let's blow their minds and start singing... in harmony!!"

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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"Cover me... I'm goin' in."

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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"I think they are going to stay there until we do something cute."

"Let's start crawling towards them and see what happens."

"I Know! Say your first word and I'll try my first steps!"

"Watch This!! Say your first word and I'll try my first steps!"

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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How many hits did we get?

They play more on those phones more than we play with our toys.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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THIS WEEK’S JOY “WALKS INTO A BAR” (and other) JOKES

I guess no one walked into a bar this week ...

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BEST POEMS

Generation Gap

This couple appears confused by their smart-phones;

you can bet this is something where they're not alone.

Their kids think it's funny, but they don't want to gloat;

mom and dad still struggle with the television remote.

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Their parents aren't equipped for a technology safari;

recently conquered Pong, the iconic game from Atari.

Scientists believe older brains are insufficiently wired;

their virtual 'Use by date' has understandably expired.

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Their children aren't subject to this technical limitation,

and hunger for the next wave of cell-phone innovation.

Modern technology to them is not a big jig-saw puzzle;

their brains aren't afflicted with obsolete analog rubble.

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The older generations must continue the heroic battle,

trying not to reveal they're completely lost and addled.

So if you find yourself needing tech-savvy knowledge,

ask your tots to foster you through cell-phone college.

Bill Wallace

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Modern Mayhem

Forget tweeting or maybe forwarding an Instagram;

these parents are struggling with a cell-phone cam.

They've spent the last several years trying to avoid

newer technology since the demise of the Polaroid.

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First-adopters will never be their technological title;

as far as modern devices, two craniums are at idle.

These circumstances are not what they envisioned

when they balked on making any cellular decisions.

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So now they're stuck with these sad repercussions;

yelling at one other and having heated discussions.

Each says the other might have forecast  the future;

if this escalates, the couple will be needing sutures.

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This is not an unusual event in a connected society,

leading many of the left-behinds to forsake sobriety.

Thus they can claim that they see no problem at all,

as long as they maintain a steady supply of alcohol.

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This can be verified by a visit to the local ABC store;

home to those who drank it down and require more.

Patrons who habit these state purveyors of whiskey

consider talking on the phone and driving very risky.

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Their logic has very little to do with the public safety,

something that hasn't entered their conscious lately.

If the phone rings while speeding in a big Suburban,

answering it might cause them to spill their bourbon.

Bill Wallace

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Shamed

You know that you have really hit the skids

once you need technical help from the kids.

If you struggle to take a nice family picture,

you aren't well-versed in modern scripture.

 

This can make your life become very hard;

like your brain is encased in a mass of lard.

You will be the butt of sadistic techno-jokes;

your own kids will call you a big slow-poke.

 

For this quandary there is a simple answer;

learn to swim or remain an awkward dancer.

Unfortunately, there's no space in-between;

you can text like mad or stare at the screen.

Bill Wallace

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It's become quite an unconscious habit

See your phone or your iPad? Just grab it.

       Check your Facebook or bank?

       It's Steve Jobs you can thank.

Just ignore the kids - check out this tablet!

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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It’s always fun to take pictures of your young ones.

But get them on Facebook to see how many likes you get is number one.

I tried and tried, but I didn’t even get one.

There goes all the fun.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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Taking pictures used to be a lot of fun

But Mommy and Daddy take a few, and when they are done

They just look at their phones and don’t care what we do

Why am I telling you?

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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Picture taking can be fun

if your parents are number one

Ours are number one

but to them, their phones are number one

So that cuts out a lot of it

When it messes up, they throw a fit

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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My parents are always taking pictures, and that is fine

But they always put them online

And that is fine

My brother and I don’t mind

They can do it anytime

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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BEST INSIDE JOKE

All that to find the best price for Grey Poupon?

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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"Obviously, I'm Tim's favorite, since he gave me the speaking role!"

"Everybody else just has a cameo!"  

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

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Can you two put those down and get us some Grey Poupon?

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

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Will you quit looking at those three trees and get on with this picture?

You may find the Joke’s On You.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE

“They’re posting pics of brooms standing on end.”

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BEST/WORST PUNS

Did you hear what they said about buying a small lizard?  Yeah, something about a baby monitor!

Mike Perry, Eden

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BEST EARWORMS

Mommy likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain?

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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