jou_cat-drawer_dandelions_081619

Send your entries to jokesonyou@greensboro.com by noon Wednesday, 082119

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Welcome to the News & Record’s “Jokes on You” page. Here is this week’s cartoon for your caption consideration, and last week’s cartoon and entries for you amusement (see below). Feel free to post comments and ask questions.

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And as always, please, no wagering.

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Please remember to put your name on your entry! (If you’re a junior --- age 13 and under --- also remember to include your school or age.)

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If you don’t see Bill Wallace’s name this week, it’s not because none of his captions got picked (that almost never happens) he’s just on a brief sabatical for back surgery. Get better, Bill! JOY misses you!

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Submit your funny pet photo to: jokesonyou@greensboro.com

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Last week’s cartoon was the dandelions. Next week’s cartoon - the one you’ll be writing captions for – is writing a caption for the cat photo.

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WINNER

“Just let it air-dry next time.”

Ted Fried, Greensboro

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RUNNERS-UP

“Got caught in a breeze, did ya?”

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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“That look might work for Michael Jordan, but not you.”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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“I tried to warn you it was going to be a windy day”

Teresa Bean, Greensboro

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“Well, you said you wanted to start a family.”

Tim Tribbett

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“When you get to my age, windy days are the worst!”

Betty Konchar, Greensboro

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“Maybe no one will notice.”

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

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“Now ‘that’ ... is what I call a sneeze!”

Mike Perry, Eden

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“Gesundheit.”

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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“Little gusty last night?”

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

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HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)

“When you get old, you’ll have white hair, too.”

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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“Better start those college funds.”

Tim Tribbett

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“It happens as you get older.”

Tim Tribbett

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“It’s gale pattern baldness.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Don’t worry, I know someone from Chia!”

Mike Perry, Eden

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“How do I do it?  I use Pantene Style Hair Spray Extra Strong Hold!”

Mike Perry, Eden

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TIM’S PICK(S) My picks don’t necessarily mean what should have won, or gotten a runner-up, it’s just to spotlight what I think are good but over-looked captions.

“Looks better than that combover”.

Tim Tribbett

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I told you not to stick your head out of the car window.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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“I’m so sorry Bud, but you gotta admit that your hair looked beautiful as it floated away.”

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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BEAT THE CARTOONIST

Sometimes, I come up with a caption no one else does. When that happens, I’ll post it here.

I warned you not to use the blow-dryer.

Did you feel that strong breeze?

Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.

No, I don’t think your new haircut is too short.

Your kids never come to visit after all you gave up for them?

Well, at least we know he likes butter.

I just washed mine and I can’t do a thing with it.

Have you lost weight?

That wasn’t conditioner, that was Round-up.

That’s you all over.

Wow! You really blew your top!

What’s my secret? I’m wearing a wig.

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JR. WINNER

"Great air cut!"

Zander Ritchy, 13, Kernodle Middle School

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JR. RUNNERS-UP

“My, don’t you look dandy today!”

Madison Foust, 9, Wesleyan Christian

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Hair loss ?

Ethan Reese, 11, Lexington

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THE REST

1.  What happened?  Did you get picked up by the fuzz?

2.  You're right.  This fur coat makes me hot.

3.  When you get old, you'll have white hair, too.

4.  You don't look too dandy anymore.

5.  Got caught in a breeze did ya?

6.  Let me guess.  Did you say, "Don't blow it?"

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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Bless you.

Gesundheit.

Allergies?

Need a handkerchief?

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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“I tried to warn you it was going to be a windy day”

Teresa Bean, Greensboro

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Enjoy your youth. Soon you will be ‘blowing in the wind’

Ruth Petty, greensboro

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It seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind.

Nice trim!

That look might work for Michael Jordan, but not you.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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"Guess we're 'The Bald and the Beautiful!'

Nancy Sands, Stoney Creek

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Now "that"....is what I call a sneeze!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I see you blew it!

Lynda Perry, Eden

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Gusundheit!

Mike Perry, Eden

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“Have you tried ‘Grogain’?”

Timothy Tribbett

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You couldn't wait to go topless, could you!

Mike Perry, Eden

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“God bless you.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Gesundheit”

Tim Tribbett

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“Have you tried ‘Blowgaine’?”

Tim Tribbett

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I see you mixed up the shampoo and Rogaine again.

Say your stylist is The North Wind?

Doris Clapp, Julian

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Sorry, bad hair day.

I am so stressed out.

Don't sneak up on me like that.

David Core, Greensboro

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 “Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind.”??

Cindy Jolly

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"You blow me away!"

Barbara Brubaker, Greensboro

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"What happened?  You must have changed beauticians!

Betty Stubbins

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"Gesundheit!"   :)

Linda Mercer-Dawson, Greensboro

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I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean to blow your head off!

Mike Perry, Eden

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“Looks like you blew it.”

Submitted by Sea G.

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“The answer my friend is blowing in the wind”.

Submitted by Sea G.

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“Going green, huh?”

Sea Groves

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“No more ‘do you like butter?’ games for you!”

Have you tried that new hair club for weeds?

Mike Perry, Eden

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“Gone with the wind”

Tim Tribbett

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“Well, you said you wanted to start a family.”

Tim Tribbett

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"Just let it air dry next time."

"Aren't you coming to the '70s Flower Power party?"

"Hair Club for Dandelions worked great for me!"

Ted Fried, Greensboro

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I'm guessing you've had a mind-blowing experience.

If it helps, I think Mr. Clean is cool. And who can forget Kojak!

Maybe no one will notice.

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

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I think I teased it a little too much...

Looks like a lion's mane. Isn't it dandy?

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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“Gesundheit!

John Gregory, Lexington

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First of all, never ask for a haircut at a barber school!

I told you- never tell a barber wearing a hearing aid your name is "Butch!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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Hey, I might get a butch too.  I'm already getting tired of this afro!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Go ahead, blow me.

Jess Grassi

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I'll telling you this for your own good - a skinhead daffodil doesn't exactly instill fear in anyone!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Did you think that look would qualify you to join Antifa?

Mike Perry, Eden

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Bald looks good on you

Teressa Wilson, Greensboro

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“So, you got fired?  I’m waiting for that blow myself!”

Doris Light, Greensboro

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“The answer my friend is blowin’ in the wind.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Did you feel that breeze?”

Tim Tribbett

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“After the plugs heal I’m dying them brown.”

Tim Tribbett

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“I hate our little blow ups.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Better hope they all go to state schools.”

Tim Tribbett

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"Gesundheit!"

Mike Grassi, Reidsville

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"gesundheit"

Cooper Allen, 14, Greensboro

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I see you decided to go topless!

Mike Perry, Eden

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“It’s gale pattern baldness.”

Tim Tribbett

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“When you get to my age, windy days are the worst!”

Betty Konchar, Greensboro

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The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.

Cathy FitzGerald, Greensboro

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Do you like the wind blown effect?

My heirs are putting down roots.

My hairs are putting down roots.

This is what is called old age.

I once had hair like you.

My children are scattered by the wind.

I should have worn a hat.

Attribute it to old age.

It's a new look.

I'm going to get a hair transplant.

The same fate awaits you as you age.

I've ordered some hair tonic.

You look your age.

They just blew off and went these two ways.

I've applied for Medicare.

You should try another shampoo.

My children are scattered all over the country.

My heirs are scattered this way and that way.

Norma Kay, Greensboro

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“My grafts really grew in”

Tim Tribbett

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“How was your scalp massage?”

Tim Tribbett

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"Could the answer be blowing in the wind?"

Andee Gable, Greensboro

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I see you settled for the Curly Howard instead of the Larry Fine!

Mike Perry, Eden

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“It happens as you get older.”

Tim Tribbett

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You should feel happy.  Remember the hours it took teasing your hair to get it like this?

Mike Perry, Eden

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Hair today and gone tomorrow!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Don't worry- I know someone from Chia!

Mike Perry, Eden

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How do I do it?  I use Pantene Style Hair Spray Extra Strong Hold!

Mike Perry, Eden

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“My, don’t you look dandy today!”

Madison Foust, 9, Wesleyan Christian

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1. I Like the new dew!!!

2. Bet that is cooler for summer!!

3. You’ve lost some weight!!

4. Did you sneeze?

5. Bless You!!!

6. Won’t you get chilly?

Tony Bean, Danbury

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#1:    "Oh, you blew it!"

#2:    "God bless you!"

#3:    "Oh, my!  You've gotten so much bigger!  You're just growing like a weed!"

#4:    "How did you like the movie about Simba, you know, the dandy lion?"

#5:    "So, what did you wish for?"

#6:    "I decided to save my seeds for a rainy day!"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

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1. I told you to use Rogaine.

2. You remind me of the old movie “Gone With the Wind”?

3. Ever see “Gone With The Wind” ?

4. Yes, Honey, I still love you.

5. WOW! Great looking Miniskirt!!

Dave Sheets, Greensboro

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"Bless you!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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"I survived the lawn care sprayer of May 2019."

"Yeah, we've been made into wine at times."

"I  guess there is something seedy about us old folks."

 "I wish we could roar like lions at lawn mowers."

"My days in the sun are almost over."

"Our roots go down a long way."

"As soon as the wind blows my work is done."

"You live long enough you'll have a white seed head, too."

"Let's hope you're not dug up before you go to seed."

"Your Mama didn't tell you about the birds and seeds ?"

"That lawn care guy was fired for fertilizing us."

"All you can do is bloom where you're planted."

"Well, at least children know we're pretty flowers."

"It's just the cycle of life."

Debra Watson, Eden

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“Better start those college funds.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Did you do something different with your hair?”

Tim Tribbett

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New barber?

Looks like you got huffed and puffed.

Got too close to a politician didn't you.

You gotta keep your head down during election season.

How's that new fan working out?

I told you not to stick your head out of the car window.

I'm liking your new Kojak look.

Telly Savalas and Yul Brenner would be proud of you.

I hear you did that for a friend in chemo therapy.  (Not a joke, just something I think is very cool to do.)

So Tim jumped out from behind a door and yelled boo.

You scare easy.

Being a storm chaser is not a good fit for you.

So you told her that dress made her look fat, then smack!

How do you like my afro?

That new hair restorer really works.

You don't look very dandy.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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You say it's a family thing?  You mean like your wife, 8 kids and live-in mother -in law?

Mike Perry, Eden

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Don't worry- I'm right behind you!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Does  this mean I'm to tall for you now?

Mike Perry, Eden

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You better grab something quick.  There's a law in this town about going topless!

Mike Perry, Eden

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“Why isn’t the shower draining?”

Tim Tribbett

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I use Rogaine.  It works.

You're such a scatterbrain.

You threw more than caution to the wind.

What's the difference ?  The mower's gonna get us anyway.

Joe Farrar, Greensboro

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Remember, no eating in bed

Remember, even though you're weightless, you have to stay on your diet.

Did you pack the brownies I made ?

Joe Farrar, GSO

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"Our only problem here at Woodstock is that it's hard not to get blown away, man."

"Our only problem here at Woodstock is that it's easy to get blown away, man."

Larry Parrish,  Leaksville

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There's a religious sect you can join-  the "Hairy Krishnas!"

I'm so proud of you!  I knew you would come out on top!

That's not baldness.  You've just got a tall face!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Just …wait.

David Jones, Greensboro                      

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You're sooooooo good looking!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Sorry.  Only one per customer.

Mike Perry, Eden

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God bless.....  I'm sorry, I forgot you were agnostic!

Mike Perry, Eden

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You have to admit- for dandelions, tis the sneezin!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I thought you were saving that for Old Lady Smith’s yard!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I don't blame you.  It's hot as everything carrying all this on my head!

Mike Perry, Eden

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1.  "Gesundheit!"

2. "Didn't I say 'Cover your mouth when you sneeze' "

Tennie Skladanowski, Greensboro

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A dog did that?   Hmmm. I wonder how common that is!

Mike Perry, Eden

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“Ever consider a wig?”

Tim Tribbett

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“Looks better than that combover”.

Tim Tribbett

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You got blown away

Looks like you’ve been blowin in the wind

Where did they all go ?

Where have you been lately ?

How’s that Grey Poupon diet working ?

Have you been blowing smoke ?

He loves you, he loves you not...

Spreading yourself pretty thin, I see

I said you should blow off some STEAM

Seriously, which way did they go ?

Do you know the way to San Jose ?

You are all over the place

How did your date go ?

Remain calm. We will find them

Did it hurt ?

What happened, Fluffy ?

Did Tim do this to you ?

Was it a RAID ?

Better luck next year ?

Have you been rolling in the clover ?

Feel better now ?

You goin into the Marines ?

You got scalped

You shouldn’t go around dressed like that

Little gusty last night ?

Bad hair day ?

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

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‘Wishful thinking’

‘I told you to duck’

‘All you are is dust in the wind’

Kristi Wallace, Greensboro

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"the most wasted of all days is one without laughter"

ee cummings

This was actually a part of an automated e-mail signature quote that accidentally got separated, but I kinda liked it as a caption

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“I think I’m still in the 70’s.”

“You’re gone with the wind.”

“Bosley hair restoration.”

“Who blew you?”

Phil Valla, Greensboro

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“Believe me, it’s not a perm!”

”Well, you won’t be needing a hair dryer.”

“What’s up BUD.”

“I see you got your leaves lowered.”

“One day you’ll grow up to make a nice tea!”

Rusty Morgan, Greensboro

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I hope my wish comes true.

Gesundheit.

Let's "round up" our friends.

David Core, Greensboro

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"I told you to only use the dryer on LOW after a shower."

Jonathan Sparrow, Greensboro

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"Male Pattern Baldness??"

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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That must have been one heck of a hair blower!

Mike Perry, Eden

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It didn't phase me much, but it must have blown you away!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Don't worry if others don't care for you now.   I still think you're dandy!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I saw the same alien spaceship you did.  It just didn't blow me away!

Mike Perry, Eden

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"Some see a dandelion, some see a wish."  All I see is a bald flower!

Mike Perry, Eden

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"Uhhh, who's your hair butcher?"

"My best guess is Dandelion Pattern Baldness."

"....Was it good for you?"

"Was it just one person or a bunch that got you?    Did you hear the word 'Wine'?"

"How many of our friends did they get?"

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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"I'm so sorry Bud.... but you gotta admit that your hair looked beautiful as it floated away."

"Uhhhh.... I Don't Know if you'll grow yellow hair now or not."

"This is new for me Too.  I know your hair can be yellow or white... but does it grow Back??  Ask Google."

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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"Did you see who did it!??"

"You Mean... A Gust Of WIND DID THIS?!!"

"Oh Great.  Now I have to add The Wind to my list of things to be scared of."

"Did you Google if it will grow back?"

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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You should wear a hat.

What happened to you?

We could be on one of those before and after commercials

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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Hair today, gone tomorrow.

I see fixing your hair was a breeze.

Paul Zopf, Greensboro

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Hey! I noticed you were blown away by what you just saw.

Yvonne Williamson, Graham

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The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind.

Mae Brown

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SCHOOL/JR. ENTRIES (elementary / middle school)

“My, don’t you look dandy today!”

Madison Foust, 9, Wesleyan Christian

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"Great air cut!"

Zander Ritchy, 13, Kernodle Middle School

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Hair loss ?

Ethan Reese, 11, Lexington

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THIS WEEK’S JOY “WALKS INTO A BAR” JOKES

A dandelion walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says to the barkeep "Gimme a beer, and one more for the road!"

Mike Perry, Eden

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An alien dandelion walks into a bar.  The barkeep asks what he wants, and the dandelion says "Take me to your weeder"

Mike Perry, Eden

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Teacher: "Joey- use the word dandelion in a sentence."

Joey:  "The cheetah is faster dandelion!"

You may start groaning.

Mike Perry, Eden

Way ahead of you.

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BEST POEMS

In the yard, there was one weed who'd say,

"We're like humans, at least in one way:

        Like their hair, we just might

        Turn a nice shade of white,

And then later, it just blows away.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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My name is Randy

When I grew up, they said I would be a dandy

My head was pretty and white

But now it’s all brown and sandy

And I can barely see daylight.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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When I was younger my head was pretty and white

But that went away one dark and stormy night

Now I just lool like a long stem

wearing a hat with no brem.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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BEST INSIDE JOKE

So Tim jumped out from behind a door and yelled boo.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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You have to watch out for cats before they have had their morning coffee.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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How did your date go ?

Did Tim do this to you ?

How’s that Grey Poupon diet working ?

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

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BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE

If it helps, I think Mr. Clean is cool. And who can forget Kojak!

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

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I'm liking your new Kojak look.

Telly Savalas and Yul Brenner would be proud of you.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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BEST/WORST PUNS

You have to admit- for dandelions, tis the sneezin!

Mike Perry, Eden

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BEST EARWORMS

Do you know the way to San Jose?

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

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