jou_rake-leaves_turkey-album_112219

Send your entries to jokesonyou@greensboro.com by noon Monday, 112519

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Welcome to the News & Record’s “Jokes on You” page. Here is this week’s cartoon for your caption consideration, and last week’s cartoon and entries for you amusement (see below). Feel free to post comments and ask questions.

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And as always, please, no wagering.

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Please remember to put your name on your entry! (If you’re a junior --- age 13 and under --- also remember to include your school or age.)

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EARLY DEADLINE! CAPTIONS HAVE TO BE IN BY NOON MONDAY!

Last week’s cartoon was Raking leaves. Next week’s cartoon - the one you’ll be writing captions for - is  Turkey family photo album.

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WINNER

“You too?”

Lisa Meyerhoffer, Greensboro

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RUNNERS-UP

“Go ahead, I certainly laughed at you.”

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

“That kid of yours climbs on me again and there will be twice as many leaves next year.”

Marcia Berger

“Would you mind raking around my 3rd root? Been itching like crazy!!”

Patsy Sadler, Chino Valley, Az

“Was I supposed to help you rake your hair when it fell out?”

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

“You never complained about the shade they made.”

Craige Reavis, Eden

“At least mine will grow back.”

Mike Grassi, Reidsville

“We do have something in common.”

Jack Thornton

“Wait! I’m not done yet.”

Dave Sheets, Greensboro

“Yes, I shed a few leaves. Thanks for noticing. “

Mari Reavis, Eden

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HONORABLE MENTIONS (also getting a vote from the judges)

“Ever get those dreams where you’re standing in a field completely naked?”

Patsy Sadler, Chino Valley, Az

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Had to shed early. Yellow just isn’t my color.  

Phil Valla, Greensboro

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TIM’S PICK(S) My picks don’t necessarily mean what should have won, or gotten a runner-up, it’s just to spotlight what I think are good but over-looked captions. I like the goofiness of this.

Thanks for looking for my cell phone.

Norma Kay, Greensboro

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BEAT THE CARTOONIST

Sometimes, I come up with a caption no one else does. When that happens, I’ll post it here.

No time this week to give it a thought – I think you guys probably hit all the right notes with this.

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THE REST

You're right!  My head's cold too!

Mike Perry, Eden

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"At least mine will grow back."

Mike Grassi, Reidsville

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That kid of yours climbs on me again and there will be twice as many leaves next year.

Marcia Berger

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I know. Rule #1: don't leave your clothes on the ground.

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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I drop leaves of love every fall to you and all you do is rake them and throw them away...

Larry Miller, Greensboro

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I know Rule #1:  pick up your clothes off the floor.

Martha Eakes

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Stop looking at me!  I’m naked.

Be careful raking -- I have a bunion on one of my roots.

Joan Lux, Greensboro

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"Looks like we have the same problem."

"At least mine will grow back."

"Did you burn yours?"

"You must save a ton on shampoo."

"We both have to face the bald truth."

"Remember when we could feel the wind in our hair?"

"I'm deciduous - what's your excuse?"

"You don't even have a comb-over option."

"Less up top and more around the middle, huh?"

"Are you part eagle?"

"Please put on a hat - the glare is blinding me."

Bill Wallace

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I'm done with my fall wardrobe. Bring on my winter threads.

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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I know. Rule #1:  Pick you your clothes off the floor.

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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Sorry...it’s maple pattern baldness.

Tim Tribbett

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At least, mine will grow back

Jack Thornton

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We do have something in common.

Jack Thornton

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"At least yours will grow back"

Kristi Wallace, Greensboro

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"Please leaf me alone"

Kristi Wallace, Greensboro

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I told you I"m the new branch manager.  Now gett to raking!

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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At least mine grows back every year.

Don't take my babies away from me.

They're called leaves for a reason.  Leave 'em alone.

Joe Farrar, Greensboro

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“There’s more where that came from.”

Tim Tribbett

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“Can I borrow a sweater?”

Tim Tribbett

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I see you've lost some on top as well.

That was some sneeze.

It feels good to lose a few pounds.

I feel so naked.

David Core, Greensboro

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At least mine's only temporary!

You could have at least said Gesundheit!

Why are you griping?  At least you can put on a hat.

Mike Perry, Eden

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Well, I finally look like you.

Jess Grassi, Greensboro

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I love the red, orange, magenta, the brown hues.  You have quite the fall collection!

Mike Perry, Eden

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Wouldn't it be easier to use a vacuum?  Seems like a million dollar idea to me!

Mike Perry, Eden

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"Thanks for cleaning up after me."

"Now we're twins!"

"You make a great bag-man!"

"Leave it up to me to make a mess."

Bill Wallace

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"I see you've lost your leaves, too."

Larry Kirwan, Greensboro

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"It's embarrassing getting caught in the nude."

"Now you can call me Twiggy."

"I'm glad you didn't just blow me off."

"Sometimes I wish I was an evergreen."

"I bet you still use a land-line, too."

"This is something we have to re-leave every year."

"Just pretend it's money and you won't mind."

Bill Wallace

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Wow, we both been scalped!

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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Wonder where we could find a good toupee?

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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Did the wind get your toupee too?

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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I know.  I know.  Pick up my clothes.

Martha Eakes, Greensboro

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“Um...sorry?”

Tim Tribbett

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1. Wait! I’m not done yet.

2. You know the drill. It happens every November.

3. Bags or curb?

4. Think about it this way. It’s good exercise and you certainly need some.

5. It’s easier and faster with a blower.

6. Good choise. Rake versus axe.

Dave Sheets, Greensboro

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”At least mine will grow back!”

Rick O’Reilly, Greensboro

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"Thanks for a-leave-iating my fall problem this year."

Larry Parrish,  Leaksville

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"I won't be throwing shade anymore."

Bill Wallace

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"Thanks for a-leaf-iating my fall problem this year."

Larry Parrish,  Leaksville

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“You never complained about the shade they made”

Craige Reavis, Eden

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“Yes, I shed a few leaves. Thanks for noticing. “

Mari Reavis, Eden

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Gone with the wind !

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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Need some elbow grease ?

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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Are you thinking cremation ?

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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There goes the family tree !

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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They can leave, my roots are here !

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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I'm feeling a little light headed !

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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You look like you could use a blow !

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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Are you going to sort them by color ?

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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Time for a blow, isn't it ?

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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I hold your CO2  responsible for this !

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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Take a deep breath, your oxygen levels are dropping !

Frank Leonard, Lexington

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I'm calling the cops, you thief!

Now we're both bald.

I was counting on them to keep my roots warm.

Run along little man.  Your wife's ringing the dinner bell.

In summer I wear a nest of robins in my hair.

In February they'll be back to collect my sap.

I feel naked.

Thanks for looking for my cell phone.

Tie a yellow ribbon around this old oak tree.

I'm settling down for  a long winter's nap.

I'm the last of a long grove of trees.

Norma Kay, Greensboro

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I'm confused-  first you rake the yard, and now you ask me to leave?

Mike Perry, Eden

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"Whoops !"

"Please excuse my mess."

"You're looking a bit rakish today."

"I don't know why, but this happens every year."

"I couldn't help it !"

"So they were pretty until they fell...."

"Rogaine ?"

"Into each life some leaves must fall."

"Before you cut me down  remember the shade last summer."

"Remember the shade I provided you last summer ?"

"I'm sorry it was a windy day."

"Well no more lawn mowing now, huh ?"

"I would appreciate it if you'd put them in a compost pile for me."

"Your dad planted me !"

"At this point I wish I was an evergreen."

"Sorry, but I'm the one who will have bare limbs all winter."

:"Sorry, but remember I'll be outside all winter with nothing on my limbs."

"I'm at a loss for words."

"Yes, I know I did this last year, but...."

"Okay, so I do this every fall...."

Debra Watson, Eden

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" You are under my spell. Place beside the curb and compost as well."

Jonathan Sparrow, Greensboro

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For men?  You don't know if there's a club for trees, do you?

Mike Perry, Eden

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Well, if you don't like ol' man Gunderson, use a leaf blower.  That'll set him off!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I think we made our barber appointments too late in the season.

I guess we won't be wearing a man bun this Fall.

I guess we can cancel our barber appointments now.

I guess it's too late for our barber appointments.

Who does your raking?

I agree, man buns are an overrated hairstyle.

Maybe you can use these for yourself?

You too?

This is not a good season for us buddy.

At least I have a chance to wear a man bun in the Spring.

Just when I was getting good at making a man bun!

I see it was windy last night where you live too.

I hate when this happens right before a date, don't you?

I know, that's why I like Summer better!

Can I borrow one of your baseball caps? I have a date tonight.

Lisa Meyerhoffer, Greensboro

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"Would you please mind your own business and leave me alone!"

 Mark Trinkle, Greensboro

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When they’re grown, you have to let them go.

Sorry,  I have hay fever.

Do you have blanket I can borrow?

Wow.  One sneeze and poof.

If you don’t want to rake leaves anymore, I could move next door.

If we lived in Florida you wouldn’t have to do this every year.

Just think of it as deciduous dandruff.

Think of this as tree pattern baldness.

I’m a Dogwood, I shed.

When they drop off I get all sappy.

How would you like to be naked all winter.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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“Can I borrow your Rogaine?”

Tim Tribbett

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“My bark is worse than my blight.”

Tim Tribbett

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“So you just automatically blame me?”

Tim Tribbett

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“So you just automatically blame me?”

Tim Tribbett

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"So, how are the wife and kids since last year?"

"If you burn them, please do it out of my sight."

"Now I'm an empty-nester."

"Looks like your wife made you the fall-guy."

Bill Wallace

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The reality is that I'll only be bald until March. You, on the other hand........

Mike Perry, Eden

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You didn't see any gray ones, did you?

Mike Perry, Eden

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I was a solder too.  This one time, I went AWOL and was arrested for absent without leaves!

Mike Perry, Eden

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I just had a weird thought.  If money really did grow on trees, we'd all be raking it in!

Mike Perry, Eden

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What's the problem eating too much pumpkin pie this time of year?  You'll get autumn'y ache.

Mike Perry, Eden

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I know it's a drag.  But to make it up to you, next fall I'll drop them all at once.  Deal?

Mike Perry, Eden

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"I see you lost your leaves too!"

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"I feel naked!"

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"I'm branching out!"

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"I'm leafing all of this behind!"

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"Don't blame me! Blame the wind!"

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"Excuse me, I want to be leafed alone!"

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"Being bald must run in our family tree!"

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"Could you get me a blanket?"

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"I'm supposed to lose mine, what's your excuse?"

Debbie Meurs, Greensboro

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"Stop!  Thief!  How dare you take my leaves."

Julie Crescenzo, Jamestown

You get some kind of vicarious pleasure from this, don't you?

Mike Perry, Eden

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Go ahead, I certainly laughed at you.

It's just awful. You have no idea!

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

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You know my grandfather - he was in "The Wizard of Oz."

With your hairline, I feel that we are like brothers.

Since I have no teeth, my bark really is worse than my bite.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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"Looks like you have growth-rings around your trunk, too."

"This year was a bumper crop!"

"Maybe if you used some fertilizer up top...."

Bill Wallace

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"Leave me alone."

"Did you lose all your foliage too?"

"I see you've finally branched out to the backyard."

Carlos D'Agostino, Greensboro

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"...then I said "leaf" me alone...and they did."

"Like you, I now know how it feels to be bald"

En Français: "J'ai dit: à la debandade, et ils l'ont fait!"

Paul Davis, Greensboro

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Le premier dit "Après moi, le déluge!"

Paul Davis, Greensboro

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Don’t worry, come spring I’ll re-leaf.

Sorry.  I had a bad bout of gas.

I wanted to grow up to be a pine tree to avoid all this.

This is what I get for trying to hold in a sneeze.

Would you mind taking that rake and scratching my back?

You think you got problems, I gotta stand here naked all winter.

Would you mind getting some superglue and putting my leaves back on me, I’m cold.

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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#1:    "Now I know how you feel, being bald on top!"

#2:    "Sorry to cause you to have to do more raking.  I know that's a buzzkill!"

#3:    "Oh, man!  I hope you find your wedding ring in all of those leaves!"

#4:    "Just pretend those leaves are the money you're making.  That way, you'll enjoy raking it in!"

#5:    "At least mine will grow back!"

#6:    "So if we slice you in half, will we be able to count your rings and find out how old you are?"

#7:    "I've just left you plenty of toupee material.  You're welcome!"

#8:    "Why don't you make like a tree and leave?"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point

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“Just call me the ‘Giving Tree’.”

Tim Tribbett

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are you sorting them by size and color?

hey buddy, I lost a special leaf. It’s laying right there. Would you please glue it back on?

hey buddy, my favorite leaf is right there. Would you please glue it back to branch 17?

sorry buddy, I held on to them as long as I could.

Mitch Poole, Mt. Juliet, TN

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Could you find me a blanket?   I get chilly when my leaves leave

Ever get those dreams where you’re standing in a field completely naked?

I’m getting that empty nest feeling again.   

Had to shed early.   Yellow just isn’t my color.  

Would you mind raking around my 3rd root?  Been itching like crazy!!

Heard they want to build a highway thru here.   Let ‘em try.   I’m not moving!

Patsy Sadler, Chino Valley, Az

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Don't laugh, mine grows back next year.

David Core, Greensboro

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“Can I borrow a hat?”

Tim Tribbett

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“How do I look? Be honest.”

Tim Tribbett

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“I’m thinking of getting plugs.”

“I’m almost done.”

“At least I’m not dropping nuts.”

“Did the wind blow off your top too.”

“I swear those aren’t mine.”

“Thanks for not bringing your chainsaw.”

“Now you’re going undercover.”

“I feel naked.”

“‘I’ve got your cat up here.”

“I feel like such a sap.”

Phil Valla, Greensboro

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“You must live in a lower elevation!”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           “How about a little music? Do you know ROCKY TOP?”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             “Do you want to rub my head? It’s good luck!”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              “It must run in your family too!”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   Rusty Morgan/Greensboro

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“I sneezed.”

Tim Tribbett

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“I guess no more throwing shade your way.”

Tim Tribbett

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Watch It with that rake - you're tickling my roots.

I'll try to be neater next year...

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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"Feel free to keep some for yourself in case your topping doesn't grow back."

"Was I supposed to help you rake Your hair when it fell out?"

"Do they check Your age by cutting through Your trunk?"

"Are you doing this 'quid pro quo' for something?"

"Is there something that you want from me... quid pro quo?"

CC  Cockerham, Greensboro

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Hey. Go easy with my acorns

Shouldn’t you be inside drinking beer ?

Thanks for cleaning up after me

You are really earning your Grey Poupon today

Don’t look at me like that. I know I’m naked Trees have feelings too, you know

147 years old. You ?

Watch it. My bark is worse than my bite

You burn me up

Are you into stem cell research ?

Thanks. That raking feels so good

I see you are finally getting to your honey-do list

Acorns and Grey Poupon go great together

Tim forgot the couch his week

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

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I used to laugh at your baldness

You do know that they will grow back?

Did you rake up your hair when it fell?

It’s bad enough that my leaves fell off, but I wish you wouldn’t walk your dog so close to me.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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THIS WEEK’S JOY “WALKS INTO A BAR” (and other) JOKES

A tree walks into a bar.  The barkeep says "We don't serve trees here!"

To this, the tree says  "Are you going to make me leave?"

Mike Perry, Eden

A tree walks into a bar. Bartender says, “I think you’d better

 leave.  ”The tree doesn't leave so the bartender says, "You must take

me for a sap!"  Tree says, "Stop your barking and pour me a logger."

Mike Perry, Eden

A six-year-old girl runs into her backyard and sees her neighbor raking leaves.

She runs to him and says proudly “My mommy taught me all about politics today!”

“That’s great! So are you a Republican or a Democrat?” he asks.

“A demmycrat!”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, demmycrats believe in helping the poor. So they take some money from everyone and give it to people that don’t have any money for food and clothes and toys and stuff.”

“That’s nice.”

“Yep! So when I grow up, I’m going to get a job, pay my taxes, and the money will help poor people, like that man who stands outside the grocery store with the big beard and dirty coat and coin cup!”

“Why wait until then? Take my rake and finish up with all these leaves. Then I’ll give you ten dollars, and you can take some of it and find the guy with the big beard and the dirty coat, and put the money in his coin cup.”

The little girl’s eyes light up and she grabs the rake excitedly. But then she pauses.

“Wait. Why doesn’t he rake the leaves, then you can just give HIM the money?”

The man takes the rake back.

“Congratulations, now you’re a Republican.”

Mike Perry, Eden

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On a cold December night a guy runs into a bar and yells that there are two large trees in middle of the street.  Everyone runs out to see this strange sight.  They are shocked to see two fifty foot tall trees waving their branches as they slowly move down the street.  Neither tree has a single leaf on it.  The bartender walks to the door, looks out side, shakes his head, and says, ”Dang streakers.”

Roy Forrest, Whitsett

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BEST POEMS

Fall-Guy

An autumn task is this fellow's plight;

millions of leaves fell during the night.

He's standing, covered to his knees,

conversing with this friendly oak tree.

 

They share a common male affliction;

one so prevalent it's almost a tradition.

They're  trying hard to ignore the pall

that arises after suddenly going bald.

 

For the tree, this curse is temporary;

come spring, his look won't be scary.

But the man's prognosis isn't so rosy;

he'll need a rug to remain warm/cozy.

 

For now, they're left to commiserate,

comforting each other over this state.

One shall rebound, the other will not;

reminded every year, raking this plot.

Bill Wallace

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Ent-ish Oak

While raking the leaves in his lovely yard,

a man heard a voice say 'Hi there, pard!'.

Being alone, he blamed it on imagination;

it induced zero paranoia or consternation.

 

He returned to this monotonous mission;

had an idea, then made a huge decision.

If that voice should again ring in his ears,

he'd have to give up swigging cold beers.

 

Seconds later, upon feeling a cool breeze,

he heard: 'Don't you hate raking leaves?'.

Astonishment and awe he couldn't cloak;

he was face-to-face with a real live oak!

 

He agreed that this task wasn't at all fun;

that being said, it still needed to be done.

Forgoing this job, seeking a leisurely life,

would risk retribution from his stern wife.

 

So man and tree agreed to compromise;

making the spouse happy is always wise.

Shirking this chore would bring him grief;

the tree promised he'll give some re-leaf.

Bill Wallace

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In the fall, lots of people will say

Raking leaves sure can make a hard day.

When the job is complete,

A huge pile's on the street.

Where a truck comes and sucks them away.

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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When the leaves began to fall

Fred said time to find my rake as he walked down the hall

And said “One more year is all I’ll have to do

Because next year, the freeway is coming through.”

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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Fred began to talk to his tree

He said “I don’t know what is the matter with me

I’ve been this way since my wife ran off with Brad Pitt and that Genie

She always was a meanie”

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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BEST INSIDE JOKE

You are really earning your Grey Poupon today

Acorns and Grey Poupon go great together

Tim forgot the couch his week

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

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The fellow down the street with the lamp, maybe he can help us.

You say something about a magic lamp and your wife asked for Brad Pitt. Nah!!

You don’t do much of anything since your wife ran off with Brad Pitt and the lamp.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

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BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE

You know my grandfather - he was in "The Wizard of Oz."

Ken Sheldon, Elon

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BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE CAPTION

En Français: "J'ai dit: à la debandade, et ils l'ont fait!"

Le premier dit "Après moi, le déluge!"

Paul Davis, Greensboro

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BEST/WORST PUNS

"Thanks for a-leaf-iating my fall problem this year."

Larry Parrish,  Leaksville

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"You're looking a bit rakish today."

Debra Watson, Eden

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What's the problem eating too much pumpkin pie this time of year?  You'll get autumn'y ache.

Mike Perry, Eden

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