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Send your entries to jokesonyou@news-record.com by noon Wednesday, 051414

Welcome to the News & Record’s “Jokes on You” page. Here is this week’s cartoon for your caption consideration, and last week’s cartoon and entries for you amusement (see below). Feel free to post comments and ask questions.

The Joke’s On You would like to wish all moms out there a HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

And here’s a Mother’s Day cartoon to think about.

Last week’s cartoon was the brushes. This week’s cartoon - the one you’ll be writing captions for is – the Mother’s Day gift.

LAST WEEK’S WINNER

“Are you ready for your Close Up?”

Tim Tribbett

RUNNERS-UP

“So, are you still living from hand to mouth?”

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

“Don’t complain you brush teeth. I’m used in the toilet bowl.”

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

“All Flossie does is sit in the cabinet.”

Ken Sheldon, Elon

“Sorry I’m late. I’ve been tangled up this morning!”

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

“I bristle every time he rubs me the wrong way.”

Scott Tredwell, Advance

“No wonder you get chewed out. You rub them the wrong way.”

Teddy Sparks, Greensboro

“Oral-B back.”

Henry Hoover, Burlington

“It’s nothing personal, we just don’t move in the same circles.”

Larry Parrish, Eden

THE JUDGES ALSO LIKED …

In case you wonder why Mr. Tribbett wins so often – check out the number of his captions below that also got selected by the judges. He collected over half of all votes cast. Keep in mind, the judges don’t see the names.

The floss is at the salon getting waxed.

Tim Tribbett

I hear you've gone into grout cleaning.

Tim Tribbett

I'm not sure you're reaching those kids in the back.

Tim Tribbett

Hey Baby, your sink or mine?

Tim Tribbett

Nice mohawk!

Tim Tribbett

I think that floss guy is just stringing you along.

Tim Tribbett

You didn't do anything wrong. He's just too sensitive.

Tim Tribbett

BEST INSIDE JOKE

You know, Ensign Kenny, we should have never let Dr. Mel talk us into getting brush cuts...

Ken Sheldon, Elon

BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE

"Gimme a head with hair

Long, beautiful hair

Shining, gleaming,

Streaming, flaxen, waxen."

Mike Perry

… and spaghettied!

Why do you keep singing ‘ Brusha, brusha, brusha?’

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

That goes way back.

Who is this guy, Fuller, anyway?

Keith Peddie, Greensboro

And speaking of way back …

BEST/WORST PUN

"So, you're the baby's first brush, and you're afraid you can't handle the tooth?"

Scott Tredwell, Advance

BEST POEM

Said the toothbrush "I'm happy now, Gordon!

I've a job that seems really rewardin'!

    It’s so simple to do,

    And won't wear me out too!

I'm the hairbrush for star Michael Jordan!"

Ken Sheldon, Elon

SCHOOL/JR. ENTRIES

No juniors this week – seems like it’s always feast or famine.

-----------

THE REST

"Either Sam or I will publish a new code of moral principles, the Brushido."

Scott Tredwell, Advance

"I bristle every time he rubs me the wrong way."

Scott Tredwell, Advance

"So, you're the baby's first brush, and you're afraid you can't handle the tooth?"

Scott Tredwell, Advance

"I scrub toilet bowls, you clean Mr. Potty Mouth - I fear we both have crosses to bear."

Scott Tredwell, Advance

"I was supposed to clean the NASA's space shuttle tiles, but they scrubbed the program"

Scott Tredwell, Advance

"I'm in anger management to keep from flying off the handle."

Scott Tredwell, Advance

I’ve been feeling a little down-in-the-mouth lately.

I tried to talk to Harold, but he just gave me the brush.

All Flossie does is sit in the cabinet…

Ken Sheldon, Elon

"My edgy owner soaks me in strychnine so he can brag he has a daily brush with death."

Scott Tredwell, Advance

"Don't brand me as ultra conservative just because I listen to Brush Limbaugh."

Scott Tredwell, Advance

"I hear you're auditioning for a role in the Stephen King remake, Caries."

Scott Tredwell, Advance

"Congrats on your job with the TSA - not everyone is designed for cavity searches."

Scott Tredwell, Advance

Me?  I'm Gary Busey's toothbrush.

Mike Perry

"Brush up your Shakespeare, start quoting him now...."

Mike Perry

"Surviving Brush Week for Colgate's fraternities is brutal - you look crestfallen and I'm totaled."

Scott Tredwell, Advance

How do you get your bristles to smell so nice and minty?

Tim Tribbett

I need to brush up on my 60's hairstyles.

Tim Tribbett

You think cleaning food that goes into the mouth is disgusting. You should see it when it comes out.

You asked why my bristles are brown? What do you think the food looks like when I have to clean it.

No name given

Nice mohawk!

Tim Tribbett

I'm over external affairs, your internal !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

The mirror says job well done !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Sorry I'm late, I been tangled up this morning !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Adjust, different folks have different strokes !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Let's stroke her ego, maybe we'll get a day off !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Let's face it, we can only do so much !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

When we get old, maybe we can do shoes !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

"I envy you. You don't take no crap!"

Brandon Breeze, Greensboro

Don't complain. Look at what I have to clean.

Lloyd Lancaster, Greensboro

1. Oral-b right back.

2. I gotcha back, Jack.

3. Ok Danielson. Brush up. Brush down.

4. Yes, i am a "fuller" brush.

5. I just brushed Babar's tusk.

Hello Tim. I'm back.

Henry Hoover, Burlington

Hello, Henry. Where ya been?

"What's this 'it' we're supposed to 'off'?"

Scott Tredwell, Advance

Man, that guy needs to use me a lot less and you a lot more.

Tim Williams, Greensboro

Did you have a brush with the law recently ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Wonder where we can get some better elbow grease ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Shhh, you're making the hair on my neck bristle !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

With our help, this team should sweep the series !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

If you have a brush with death, you'll believe too !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

I worry about going bald, do you ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Is it true you do it fourteen times a week ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

I love that minty perfume you always wear.

Tim Tribbett

We're both just trying to get a head in life.

Tim Tribbett

Now that you're famous make sure you DO get a big head.

Tim Tribbett

My cousin's into politics because he likes sweeping things under the rug.

Tim Tribbett

I think that floss guy is just stringing you along.

Tim Tribbett

Hey Baby, your sink or mine?

Tim Tribbett

I hear you've gone into grout cleaning.

Tim Tribbett

I always tell Junior to make sure he gets a big head!

Tim Tribbett

I'm not sure you're reaching those kids in the back.

Tim Tribbett

Pssst..that hair spray has sticky fingers!

Tim Tribbett

A little vanity is a good thing.

Tim Tribbett

The floss is at the salon getting waxed.

Tim Tribbett

I hear you only have 6 months to live.

Tim Tribbett

Can I see your family Crest?

Tim Tribbett

The trial sized toothpaste just got called for jury duty.

Tim Tribbett

My poor cousin went bowling.

Tim Tribbett

There are worse places to brush...much worse.

Tim Tribbett

I hear there's a Comet out tonight!

Tim Tribbett

Are you ready for your Close Up?

Tim Tribbett

You didn't do anything wrong. He's just too sensitive.

Tim Tribbett

Thanks but no thanks on the home made tartar sauce.

Tim Tribbett

I hear they gave you a plaque at work.

Tim Tribbett

That was a bridge too far!

Tim Tribbett

I hear you like to go caving!

Tim Tribbett

You scratch my back. I’ll scratch yours

Now don’t go giving me the brush off

So , what do you want to be when you grow up ?

I do tend to shower a lot

What’s your favorite toothpaste ?

What’s your handle ?

Boy. Are we cleaning up

What exactly is oral hygiene ?

Best part of my day ? Getting rinsed off

So, are you still living from hand to mouth ?

I go where the itch is

Why do you keep singing ‘ Brusha, brusha, brusha?’

After your bathroom assignment you go to the workshop to clean tools

Are you soft, medium or hard ?

Do you go to those hard to reach places ?

I see that they’ve got you using that whitener

I try to avoid those nooks and crannies

How do you navigate the bridge ?

I’ve disciplined many a bad boy with my other side

We are really cleaning up

Do you ever get called up to clean the ones in the glass jars ?

I think we’re both in pretty good shape

I’ve gotta give you a hand for what you do

Do you play bridge ?

Don’t talk to me about cavities. Let’s not go there

Will you be going all electric ?

So, how’s our date going so far ?

At least you don’t get hung out to dry

Don’t get me all into a lather

Are you into gelling ?

I bet you make a mint

Do you ever get that sinking feeling ?

I get put away wet all too often

It’s a dirty job but somebody’s gotta do it

Gimme some skin

Are you sensitive ?

Plastics !

I’ve gone where no man has gone before

Do you like those hard to reach places ?

I’m itchin to get outta here

Do you have an older sister ?

Whatta you say. Let’s hang out

Now that was below the belt

It wasn’t really an accident. I just brushed up against him

It was so funny. He missed the grab bar on his way down

Let’s scrub our date tonight, OK ?

At least you don’t get soap in your eyes

Hey. Can I borrow some of that whitener ?

He said “ come clean. “ I said “ OK.”

You are such a softy

I hear your new friend is Rembrandt

I’ve been rode hard and put away wet

I am so tired of manual labor

Do you have to deal with child labor laws ?

I hear your next job is at the auto detail shop

You’re not so tuff yourself

We all know that bigger is better

Will you be cleaning up after bridge ?

Did you go to Colgate ?

My favorite TV show ? Scrubs

Uh, oh. The frat party is over. Here they come

You are lucky. I don’t have an expiration date

Have you seen Ivory ?

At least you get to travel

I know I’ve got a big head, but it comes in handy

Are you ever going to grow up ?

My guy is into rotary Dial

Lee F Richmond, Jamestown

Oral-b back.

 Henry Hoover, Burlington

WOW! Those Crest Whitestrips really work!

Sharon Hillard

My brush is bigger than your brush!

Hey, my eyes are down here!

Tim Tribbett

I'm sorry you can't cover much territory!

Sue M. Hodgin, Lexington

#1: "At least you get some morsels of food.  I get nothing but hairballs!"

#2: "Yeah, bro.  These are thankless jobs we have!"

#3: "Ha!  Ha!  I have a longer shelf life than you do!"

#4: "You just make me bristle!"

Paul J. Klosterman, High Point.

No, it's not that! It's called a gum stimulator!

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Would you scratch my back, please ?

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Better slow down or you're going to have a stroke !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Together we make Vanna White shine !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Just grin and bear it, we all got problems !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

Steve Harvey needs you more than me now !

Frank C. Leonard, Lexington

BBOC : Big Brush On Counter

Chris, Council NC

You want a scary bedtime story.  Okay, this one is titled- "My brush with Death!"

Mike Perry

1)  It's nothing personal; we just don't move in the same circles.

2)  It's nothing personal; we just don't travel in the same circles.

Larry Parrish,

1)  Don't wanna seem like I've got a big head or anything BUT, that plaque you've been missing?  I could blast that back to the Stone Age!

2)  Don't wanna seem like I've got a big head or anything BUT, that plaque you've been missing?  I could exfoliate that back to the Stone Age!

Larry Parrish, Eden

You are riding high now, but next month you will be cleaning grout!

You smell like you have been dropped in the toilet again.

I can damage some gums for you.

Judy Conover, Oak Ridge

You've got halitosis! Please brush your bristles!

I just don't know what to do with myself. I seem to always get into peoples hair.

How many times have I got to tell you to lay off the garlic?

You just bristle over the slightest bit of constructive criticism.

Go get the electric shaver. I just heard that we are taking a road trip to Baltimore.

I don't care what you think. Dandruff is not nearly as bad as gingivitis.

Don't you just hate it when they use you to brush their tongue?

So what if you have friends and relatives in every dentist office in the United States?

Vestal Palmer, Greensboro

Son, we all have nightmares we endure as we age.  Mine is Chewbacca hair.  Yours will be the specter of British dentistry!

Mike Perry

How do you deal with morning breath?

Terry, Greensboro

My cousin was in the recent Olympics- he's a curling brush!

Mike Perry

You're in love with a hedgehog?

Mike Perry

You know, Ensign Kenny, we should have never let Dr. Mel talk us into getting brush cuts...

Ken Sheldon, Elon

Poor you, feeling down in the mouth! What about me?

Who is this guy, Fuller, anyway?

You're very dental, aren't you?

Keith Peddie, Greensboro

"Gimme a head with hair

Long, beautiful hair

Shining, gleaming,

Streaming, flaxen, waxen."

Mike Perry

Missed it by just a hair!

Tim Tribbett

Careful, I have a hair trigger!

Tim Tribbett

Do I have a hair in my eye?

Tim Tribbett

You need to get a grip on yourself.

Tim Tribbett

I can handle this. You need to get a grip.

Tim Tribbett

You want a date to the prom?  Then brush your teeth, brush you hair and brush up on your delivery!

Mike Perry

Do you think your Colgate would help my dandruff?

I hate hair spray.

Which is worse onion mouth or garlic mouth?

Don Rankin, Greensboro

"Uncle Scrub received a comet award"

Jonathan Sparrow-Greensboro

Are you ok? You look kinda pasty.

Tim Tribbett,Greensboro

Don’t complain you brush teeth, I’m used in the toilet bowl.

I call it a half-fro.

Joey Pellino, Reidsville

No wonder you get chewed out. You rub them the wrong way.

Teddy Sparks, Greensboro

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